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when will this nightmare end?

Posted by Franticmum on 13 April 2014.

Here we go again, after agreeing to a detox programme my son decided he doesn't need professional help, and  left hospital again, he says he was bored in there, he went back to his flat that somehow he is managing to keep by the skin of his teeth, then yesterday turned up at my mum's house at tea time, (we visit my mum every Saturday )  he was in a very strange mood not his usual aggressive self. He carried on as if the last few months had not happened trying to joke about it all, and then wait for it, asked me if he could "borrow" a few hundred pounds, he said he needed to buy another mobile as he had lost his, you can imagine my reply, he then became angry and said I was a useless parent and that if it had been either of his brothers asking I would have gave them the money, I replyed that as they  both worked hard and had very good jobs they didn't need to borrow money, he went really wild then shouting and threatening to smash my mum's house up, luckily a neighbour heard the commotion and rang the police, as they arrived he ran off still swearing and saying we would all pay for this. All the police said that as he hadn't  committed an offence there wasn't much they could do. I just want this nightmare to end but things are getting worse rather than better, I'm scared of what he is capable of fearing the phone ringing or that knock n the door, I've seen my son in some horrid states but not for a long time like that,  even at his worse when he was younger I never feared my son as I do now, his eyes were evil and filled with hatred, really really don't know what to do now I'm so tired of it all,  how can someone who said only a week ago that he was sorry for everything in the past and was determined to change as he couldn't keep living that life, and that he loved me so much, do this to me not just once but over and over

Comments

concerned mum
14 Apr 2014

Hi  ...I too have had this time and time again with my son  i feel like i dont know him any more,,Ive heard all the apolgies...sorry for letting u down, i love u mum dont know where i would be without u...to be closely followed by could i borrow x amount I  have heard an array of reasons  ive lost my phone...I owe a mate....I have no food... Im clean now etc etc....I too fear my sons capabilities he literally grabbed my arm and pulled me all the way through his flat a few weeks ago and shoved me flying out of his door because i caught him in a lie over him being clean...Today I have had a terrible day with him...threatening suicide because i wont give him cash so i understand fully what u are going through ....And i suppose like me your being called a shit mother???excuse my french but they are enough to make a saint swear at times...were not sxxx mothers...they have a sxxxt lifestyle and sxxx so called mates....stay strong xxx

CANT TAKE NO MORE
14 Apr 2014

When they are at their lowest we are the shit mothers in their minds, because we arent giving them what they want.....i HAVE ONLY been scared a number of times, and at that point I packed him the car , drove 200 miles and left him on his dads doorstep.....I know it isnt always the answer, but I just couldnt take any more......it was at that point he said he was going to kill himself,.....BUT, ive heard it loads of times and im sad to say it washes over me now. I made a promise to myself that if I ever felt like that again , then I would call the police to remove him.........and he knows it!Ladies stay strong, and put your tough head on...sometimes we have to be cruel to be kind.sending luv and hugs to you both xxxx

Franticmum
15 Apr 2014

hi Susie, on a real downer at the moment, my heads all over the place, I honestly thought that I would get at least a couple of weeks peace while he was in hospital but sadly was not to be,  hes got my 76 yr old mum scared to be on her own in her own house, sadly my dad passed away a few years ago, so my brother is staying with her for the time being, I would love to say that my son wouldn't carry out his threats but at the moment who knows what hes capable of. 
I feel like a hamster on a wheel running like mad but not getting any where, I wonder when and how this is going to end, its 18 yrs next month since we first realised he was taking drugs, so is it now the time to face up to the fact that he will not change? I cannot live like this any more,  im beyond mad at the moment just dont know what to do :-(

Franticmum
15 Apr 2014

concerned mum, thank you for your comments, my son too has threatened suicide many times and has ended up in hospital for taking more of his prescribed pills than he should, its hard cos as a mum your first instinct is to try to help your children, I vowed after the last time I wouldnt go running to the hospital and told him that, its good to write it all down warts n all on here, im just sorry and so sad that there are many other families suffering like me, 
take care ladies try to keep strong although I know at times it is so hard to do so
love n big cyber hugs
Sue Xxx

CANT TAKE NO MORE
15 Apr 2014

Hey Sue luv..... hope your coping today...been thinking about you and all the other parents, and wondering what the answer is for our kids...still haven't come up with an answer...what i do know is Im not being part of it anymore....2 more weeks today and my son will hopefully be put inside..how bloomin sad is that, a mother wishing her son be jailed...but ive had enough and hope the time he spends inside thinking what a massive mess his life is....he has a beautiful son and should be working providing for him...oh no he leaves that for the rest of us..even though he is staying at his exes and sees his son all the time, I know its not enough at the moment...Im hardened to it, and cause he knows it, he never asks me for anything......saw him today, and he looked ok, but Im waiting for the blow out, before he goes inside....

janeyj47
16 Apr 2014

Hi everyone I am new to this site. I am going through the same thing with my 29 year old son who unfortunately lives with me. He split up with his ex 2 years ago and came back to me where he has just about abused me everyday verbally. He does not work as was banned from driving so lost his driving job. Even when he was working he spent his wages on drugs, cocaine and weed. within a few days. I rent my flat, which is above a shop, and my landlord works in the shop everyday and because of this I have to give into my sons demands for money. He would think nothing of causing a scene. He throws things around he knows eventually I will give him the money. I cant confide in my landlord for fear of eviction. Today I was woken by a man screaming up to my flat for my son as he owed him money. My landlord was in his shop. My son always threatens that he owes people money for drugs he buys on 'tick' and they are coming around which would cause a scene. I am in debt up to my eyeballs. I lend money off family and friends. Luckily my mother and daughter don't live in this area so don't no whats going on with him. I cant tell them as there is nothing they can do. I have nowhere else I can go. I work full time so cant just take off and stay with my family or friends. What can I do???

Marg60
30 Apr 2014

Please parents take care of yourselves.  I was in the same place with my alcoholic son.  It was such a shock at first but the more I covered up for him the worse he got.  It was tearing our family apart and my elderly mum who loved him dearly started dreading his visits.  No boundary was adhered to in fact he laughed at them and thought we would never enact our threat of eviction.  But for health and safety reasons he had to go.  I wrote to social services took him to the local authority homeless service and then cried my heart out for a week.  He has come to us in a terrible state and I have given him food, warm clothing but no entry to the home. He lived rough for 4 months and I thought my heart would break.  He is now, with my help, in a homeless hostel.  He has lost 5 stone and looks 15 years older than his real age of 23.  He is doing his own laundry, cooking meals and has started a football team.  He still goes out begging, looks and smells like a tramp and has no respect for anyone else except other homeless people.  The lies he has told and the threats he has made are endless.  But I truly believe he may be turning a corner and that the tough love regime has worked.  It has enabled my husband and other son to have a happy home life again.  He is my first thought on waking and my last prayer at night but no longer does his addiction threaten our family or my sanity.  He no longer blames me for his problems and understands his situation is because of his choice.  It has been a long haul over 5 years and I just hope and pray the next 5 are years of recovery.  Take care everyone, and know that you are not alone.

Hadenough!
1 Jun 2014

My heart really goes out to each and every one of you.  I live daily with the lies my son tells me he is the only person i know who has bad luck every day but I know it all lies to get more money for crack.  I'm now scared to go home cos I truly fear one day he will kill me if I don't give into his demands. Today he rang again demanding more money even tho I've already given him 45 quid and because I won't he's smashed his flat up again.

Marg60
2 Jun 2014

It is so tough but I realised that I was giving money to the addiction not my son so said no and meant it.  He has been taken away from the family home by the local police who also warned him about his behaviour.  They were fantastic and very supportive. It took a couple of months for the message to sink in but he no longer comes making trouble.  BUT all my hopes of a glimmer of recovery have gone as he has met a girl who is also an alcoholic (with mental health issues) and the cooking, football and other interests have all stopped. They just shuffle around with their cans of cider tucked under their arms and have no ambitions or hopes just a terrible day to day existance.  So the nightmare goes on...........

Marg60
23 Feb 2015

Hi I am back with some news that I hope will bring encouragement to other mums (and dads).  My son's alcoholism has been a source of great sorrow and worry over the last 5 years.  He had got to the stage when he could no longer walk properly and his health was in danger.  He has gone thru detox and is now in rehab - it is early days at just over 2 months but the change is dramatic.  I am getting my lovely son back instead of the drunken abusive demon.  He is actually asking after family members and is taking a pride in his appearance.  Tough love was hard but I stuck to it always letting him know I loved him but I would not stand for any abuse or threats.  I just hope and pray now that this recovery continues for him and I will continue to pray for you all - sending my best wishes and a big hug to you all.

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