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Worn out!

Posted by Worn down mum on 11 February 2014.

Hi all I joined this site a few months ago on a night when I felt things couldnt get much worse. How wrong was I??? By reading some of the stories I can see it definitely can. I hate really hate this whole subject of addiction and feel so gutted for anyone involved with it. I think the thing that saddens me most is when you see so few replies because at the end of the day no-one can really help. The advice  is so genuine but so hard to give anyone an answer. I suppose I should wake up!!! There is no answer, no magic spell just a simple word 'choice'! We all have one and I will always choose to support my son but I've got to set different boundaries. His habit is Cocaine under peer pressure. He can be with certain users and not touch it but then someone who he would secretly admire for their confidence only has to look at him and he'll bow down and 'snort anyone under the table' to be perfectly honest. Its led to him receiving a 5 yr jail sentence for hiding a kilo of the stuff in his loft. He was clean throughout jail and for the first few weeks of being released. Then went downhill. The money I have paid out on drug debts makes me want to cry, if I'm being honest over the last couple of years probably about 10 grand:(( His Dad would go ballistic if he knew all of it, he only knows about a quarter of it. So the other day I paid someone £200 only to be told there was an extra £400 added on with interest!!!!! Is this legal cos I'm beginning to wonder!!!!!! So there went £600 and now its a £200 and a £300 and a £ 100 left owing to people now. I know.....'keep bailing him out just makes it easy for him' ....but what do you do when faced with the results of it not being paid??  Today he has breached his licence deliberately and turned himself in at the police station to serve the 6 months left of his sentence. I feel so bad for almost sighing with relief...1 I now know where he is  2  He wont run up any more debt  3 Im really hoping he gets sorted with some sort of drug counselling. He says this is his rehab. Bloody sad state of affairs if you ask me!!  Anyway if anyone has took the time to read this you most probably have your own problems and I hope with all my heart they get sorted!!

Comments

fifi65
11 Feb 2014

Your right there worn down mum, no-one can really help, I think we all secretly hope someone, somewhere will say do this, go there :( and all will be well again...  Its help me to vent on here cause friends and family eventually tire of me ( not to be hurtful to me) but to try and make me focus on something else..myself mostly !!  I can for a while, then the horror's rise with in me again.. It is a very sad state of affairs when they have to put there self in prison, but I can't even wish for that because that's where my son's heroin addiction started.. I hope your lad gets him self sorted this time, take care fiona x

mumofone
13 Feb 2014

I'm so sorry Worn down mum and Fiona,  I know exactly what you're going through and how you feel.  I too want a magic solution for my son (as do we all) but I realise there are none.  Our children have to want to help themselves before we can help them.  My son, my wonderful, bright, intelligent, handsome, funny, loving son has become someone else.  He's dropped out of university, he can't hold down a job.  I've been in denial for so long.

Like you, I'm in so much debt supporting him... paying his bills..... also to the tune of around 10 grand... money I have borrowed.... and it's ongoing. The worry for my son is overwhelming and the worry about money is overwhelming too. I can't sleep and when I do drop off it's from pure exhaustion and then, as Fiona says, the horrors rise within me and wake me up.  It's easy for people to tell us to stop bailing out, but as mothers we cannot face the alternative.  Our natural instinct is to protect.  Where and how do we distinguish between supporting and enabling??  I'm so lost.  My son lives far away.  I want him to come home but he doesn't want to so I have to make sure he has food and shelter, though I know some would call this enabling, I cannot turn my back on his as his dad has.   He has only me left. He smashed his car up a few nights ago... thankfully neither he, nor anyone else was hurt.

I understand your guilt at feeling relieved that your son is back in prison.... awful to think of him being in a cell again but thankful that at least you know where he is every night.  It's such a bitter pill we have to swallow day after day after day after day. 

People tell me I have to look after myself, but how can I?  I don't care about myself right now, all I care about is my son getting well.  I have no life right now and cannot even laugh or smile any more.... it just makes me feel guilty.  I don't want to feel good knowing my son is in pain.  He's already been in rehab once just a few months ago but it wasn't for long enough and now he has relapsed even though he promises me he hasn't, I know he has.  

I thought I was too numb to cry any more but yesterday I spent the whole day in tears, as I'm crying now, writing this.  The pain is just too much to bear.  I know nothing helps but just know that you're not alone in your pain. We all need support.  I don't know what to do any more.  I pray for my son and for all our children.  Let them please all get well and be healthy and lead good productive, happy lives.

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