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replying to B8988

Hi everyone , well 5 weeks now iv been on my own after 11 yrs 2 yrs married last week, my husband had odd recreational use and 12 months ago saw a Change and is now doing cocaine and heroine..

I’m beside myself struggling day by day hoping he will realise and change but I know he won’t .. I too let him home to build himself up only to go off again

I miss him dreadful but this time I know he cannot come home until he is clean and counselled .( waiting in anticipation)

My heart goes out to you all

Wendy

replying to Lizzie

I feel it with you.

Married for fourteen wonderful years to my best friend and soul mate. Recreational use, probably once, twice a year if that. I didn't actually realise until my 'husband' changed into a monster.

I'm still struggling now after over a year. Its not easy and I too miss my husband but he isn't my husband anymore the cocaine has taken him.

Look after yourself, keep strong.

2 replies

replying to B8988

Hello

I’m literally at the last hope I caught my husband doing coke behind my back a few years ago and he promised me he stopped as he cheated on me whilst doing it, it was like he had a separate life it broke me into pieces, lately he has started acting like he did before and he never has any money now and we are really struggling financially, I haven’t been able to catch him doing it again but am pretty sure he is and I just don’t know what to do we have too children which are not young so I don’t want cause a argument without good cause.

replying to Lost1835

Hi there,

Well I don’t know your husband so couldn’t comment but if you feel something is up, it usually is.

My husband would swear he wasn’t using til he was blue in the face even when I’d confront him with evidence, he made me feel like I was imagining it!

What do you mean by cheating? How did all that come about? All I know is that cocaine makes users incredibly selfish.

Maybe sit down and confront him with your evidence calmly, although I know how annoying this is when they deny any wrong doing.

I think you have to ask yourself if he’s using again are you prepared to stay again. If he only cheated because he was on coke, can you trust that he won’t cheat again? If you aren’t prepared to stay again you have a lot to think about.

It’s incredibly hard and a horrible merry go round. Maybe suggest drug testing strips randomly. Although this is all time consuming and at the worse they will still try to lie there way out of taking them, or in my husbands case he’d do them knowing he’d get caught. I guess that’s how much false confidence it gives them.

It’s an awful situation. Get some help for yourself before you attempt to tackle his issues xx

replying to Lost1835

Hi Lost1835,

When you know, you know. I've been there many times. My husband was even using diazepam to hide his cocaine use (badly I might add), as I still knew.

You can get test strips from amazon for about a fiver, dip it in the loo after he's been, actually I even dipped one in the standing water in the shower after he'd been in it, its very sensitive. Thats if you're too scared to ask him to do a test. At least with the information you can confront it without questioning your own judgement.

Hugs xx

1 reply

replying to B8988

I think that is the horrible part is they make you think it’s all in your own head which leaves me doubting myself even more. He had a affair with a woman he used to know on Facebook thats when I found out about the coke use , he deleted Facebook and promised he stopped as he said he couldn’t bear to lose me or the kids, on a whole our relationship is good so was extremely hurt and surprised by this affair. I told him it was me or the coke and he said he chose me but after reading the comments I don’t think it would be that easy to just stop, I’m not really sure where to go for help I really want to protect the children from any heartbreak.

replying to Lost1835

So how did you find out about the coke? Did he say the reason for the affair was due to him using cocaine? Was it a full blown affair? I’m just wondering as maybe the other woman took coke with him.

If you’d have known about the coke then he had an affair etc, it may have been because a lot of addicts start associating with people they usually wouldn’t. My husband on his last relapse started befriending young chavvy football hooligans.

Plus do you know if he’s an addict or just a social user? I mean how bad did his use get?

By the time I found out about my husbands he was using roughly once a month ( this could have been lies) probably was. To cut a long story short this didn’t change his personality that much looking back, but he always used alone, in our house when me and my kids were in bed and quite large quantities.

It got to the point where his personality was unrecognisable, he was taking it at every opportunity he could. Taking it for stress, to celebrate any excuse to use. When it gets really bad you definitely know! It’s like living with a vile, horrible monster that has you questioning everything.

1 reply

replying to B8988

I found out about the coke followed by the affair shortly after from what I got told she is a user also, I’m not sure how fare it went as she wouldn’t speak to me and he played it down, he couldn’t tell me why he did the coke or played away.

I would saying he was using at least three days of the week, and like your husband it’s when we are in bed and he will sit up most of the night (clamming to be watching a film).

He has always been a moody old sod but I do notice the changes in him. Last time I caught him using the coke I found it in his wallet but haven’t come across anything as of yet.

replying to Lost1835

Well basically it will drive you mad trying to think of the whys etc.

If he’s never been the sort to have an affair or take coke and it’s all out of the blue maybe it’s depression. Maybe a midlife crisis? But then again speculating will just drive you mad!

Basically if you love him and want to get to the bottom of it maybe suggest marriage counselling. It’s helped massively for me.

replying to B8988

I've just found these posts, sorry to hear do many similar stories.

Just found out x2 time hubby has been using. Spent over £20k in 6 mths, lies, paranoia....but you just know, that gut feeling it's not right. He's got first drug meeting on Wednesday, but I have told a good friend of ours all about it..do its more real, so he has to own what he's dinette me and kids. Married 15 years, he's not the man I married though.

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