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1 reply

replying to Team

My husband would swear on our kids lives that he hadn’t taken coke and he had. He’d never do that straight. The coke makes them horrible! Maybe they rationalise the lying to them self, somehow, or it might be the fact, that they only care about themselves, so they will come first! Again it’s all down to how the drugs have altered the brain! Like you, I used to still take it personally! We react on things we see with our eyes, not what we know to be true, if that makes sense?

Well the first time I officially caught my husband using, last year, I’d just found out I was pregnant for the 5th time, all my children are young, so I definitely didn’t want that crap in my house! His behaviour had become unbearable. So I made him leave, that’s when he went on self destruct, that’s when he started adding women on fb, he told everyone he hated me, didn’t want to be with me and was doing everything he could to maintain his addiction.

He even said now that at the time he thought it would be great to be single and get a flat, so he could take all the drugs he wanted, without having to hide. Anyway his plan backfired as he lost his job due to being drug tested. He had to go and live with his dad 2 hours away in rural wales.

Well my first mistake was taking the kids to visit him nearly every weekend, at first he promised to change saying you couldn’t get coke out there and he was lovely for the first few weeks, then his mood become awful again. He didn’t want us to visit, when we did he was being secretive on his phone, but still he denied taking anything! Final straw come was when he stole his dads expensive sports car and crashed it whilst intoxicated. So his dad made him leave.

He then came home and was clean for 6 months, in time for me to have the baby, but relapsed hard at Christmas. He became awful instantly, it’s amazing how quickly their mindset changes. He spent all our mortgage money on coke, he was sleeping rough in our garage, it was horrendous! So I sent him away to live with his mum 3 hours away.

He didn’t know anyone there, so it was the perfect opportunity to change, plus there was loads of drug support centres. It become apparent, he only went for me and was still using drugs, he even starting taking ecstasy ???

After that I thought “ no matter what I do, he uses, no matter where he lives, he uses”. He was taking anything just to feel not normal.

That’s when I made the decision not to be with him anymore. I ended it. This time I didn’t message him, or reply to his messages about the kids. He even tried to send hurtful ones in hope that I’d bite, but I could see he was seeking attention. I wasn’t prepared to give it him. So he made the decision for himself to change. He said I scared him that much he couldn’t eat, sleep and he cried for days. He said not being with us was worse than the high of the drug.

So far, so good. The change in him this time compared to his last 6 month clean, is massive. This time he isn’t using anything! I think that’s key, last time he was still taking codeine, he had an addiction to prescription drugs too, so I thought stopping coke would stop the craziness and it did, but whilst he was still taking codeine, his personality didn’t return to normal, he still had no empathy etc. Now he’s back to pre drug days. Which is lovely.

Even if I didn’t stay with him, I’d have always wanted him to get clean for our kids, but I realised that had to come from him and no one else. So until they reach that decision there really isn’t anything you can do. Xx

2 replies

replying to Team

I thought I was failing my husband and family if I didn't try to help or pay his debt and maintain his business. But they have failed us by choosing to sniff. Or also rub his gums as my husband did also.

It hurts more than anything I have ever known. Our wonderful life was destroyed. We were a team. Now I have to do everything myself and it is hard not having his help.

I too wondered if my husband would overdose and die. I worried about it, too much alcohol and cocaine. But he wasn't worried and didn't care about me worrying either.

He was having the time of his life. 'Champagne Charlie' that's what he's called by folk. Partying and being the big man.

I feel lost and lonely too, thats why I come on here. People in the same position can help and understand what we are going through. Going out and trying to socialise is something I can't bring myself to do. Doc has upped my dosage of anti depressants and I now don't feel anxious and sick all the time. My mind is more settled because I feel numb inside now. That is a good thing for me because fourteen months of this hell has taken its toll on me.

Don't take anything to heart, I know its hard. I just think that my husband is dead and the one that has replaced him is a monster. One who has a fork tongue and lies like a rug.

Concentrate on yourself for a while because if he decides that cocaine is not what he wants you need to be the strong one. Focus on you, look how B8988 has turned it around. It doesn't work for everyone but its worth a try. You are doing this for both of you. Not just yourself. Keep strong.

replying to B8988

I appreciate your reply to me you make so much sense I can feel the hurt you have been through and to get through it with little babies you are a very strong woman and deserve all the happiness in the world

No one knows my husband is taking drugs he says he would be ashamed to face people if they knew and begged me not to tell anyone I have not told anyone as of yet but I did say to him a few nights ago if he don’t stop I can’t keep his secret any longer hopefully he heard me and stops

I hope your husband sees what a wonderful wife he has and stays clean and treats you like a queen for the rest of your life you deserve it

Everyone has a story and none of the is much different I have read so much and think this story is my life cocaine is the devil it don’t only take the person using it takes every one that loves them to x

1 reply

replying to Hox

I feel so horrible putting my life on here and all you lovely people reply trying to help when you have been through so much your selfs

I have to keep my head up and try to make a decision that’s right for me I no I won’t make it anytime soon as but I no it’s not gonna be another 7 years of unhappiness for me I can’t live this way much longer

I thank yous all so much for listening and not judging me thank you all so much x

1 reply

replying to Team

You don't have to leave your husband to concentrate on yourself. I would never have left mine. Keep yourself well and when he needs help you will be strong enough to provide it.

Keep your head up.

replying to Hox

Thank you very much I will try do do anything I can to sort my marriage out and do what I can to help my husband xx

1 reply

replying to B8988

I am also trying to focus on myself iv made plans to do things with the children although my husband does not want to come. Iv also taken up a lot of things in the house he used to do ie decorating and the garden he has lost all love for our home. At the moment I can’t end our marriage he is not strong enough to kick this on his own ( he still denying he is back on it) and I fear it would kill him as he would completely give up so I guess we will go on as we are for now, it’s hard hiding things from my family and his as I know they will all disown him.

replying to Lost1835

Hi I no how hard it is keeping everything from family my family and my husbands family would disown him to and if I leave or put him out he will have nothing or no1 he will be found dead

My kids are grown up now are baby is 18 but no matter what age they are as a mother we still worry about them so next week my kids will be of on holiday together I think this is a good idea for them to have some fun and forget family life at the moment as it’s hard for them to watch they no what there father is doing and it’s not right they should watch him change every day

And hopefully them going on holiday will give me and my husband a chance to talk or even try to get close I’m not sure what will happen when the kids are away but hopefully some good will come out of it for them I wish you luck and hopefully you get your life back soon it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with and I feel all alone

If all hits the fan at least I can say I done all I could xx

1 reply

replying to B8988

Hello, I can relate to your husband I’ve been through similar and it gradually gets hold of you to start with you tell yourselves it’s a social thing then once it takes hold it’s hard to break the routine gradually your work starts to suffer and then Your family life

I found I wasn’t content with the simple things in life any more my family life which had always made me happy

Cocaine changed my attitude one of the effects is a hypo sex drive I was the same with other women only when I’d had coke no interest when I hadn’t

Hardest thing is to admit your an addict you tell your self every thing you can rather than admit that and without completely changing your life friends places you socialise you always have lapses I still do and think I always will unfortunately but lapses don’t ruin your life it’s the addiction on a daily basis that does

Once your addicted as well people don’t realise your not doing it to get high anymore your doing it because your body needs it’s and it’s a scary feeling

Hope things get better for you and your husband only advise I can give is the more you preach at him and confront him it pushed me away and made me resentful to my wife there will be lapses and I feel bad enough when they happen but you need a strong partner at that time

1 reply

replying to B8988

Hi all, since my last message sending much love out to you all. Hubby agreed to seeing an outreach centre, first one today. Please wish us luck. I also decided for him to succeed he had to know it was real, not just going through motions...told his best friend, also close to me. Knew he would be ashamed at first but thankfully didn't backfire and still on track to clean up. Still wants to be friends with his dealer... Who I think is conning.him but that's whole other forum. For now I have to believe he wants this more. Much love to all of you x

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