: Drugs, alcohol and mental health

Discuss the twin challenges of mental health and substance use

15 replies

Does cocaine make you more likely to be unfaithful?

I don’t know if this is a silly question, but me and my husbands relationship has turned toxic, through the damage that his addiction has done. The lying about using, me throwing him out etc.

I’ve caught him (usually when coming down) masterbating to porn, he says it’s bevause you just want something to do with your hands coz your up all night, but you can’t usuallly finish because of the coke. (TMI sorry! But he never used to really be into porn before his addiction began,

I’ve heard coke makes you horny so I’m just wondering could that be enough to make you cheat if you wasn’t that sort of person sober. He says you still know what you’re doing and that your married etc, but he’s told other women that they are attractive etc which again is out of character but he says it’s more of an attention thing as he feels like crap and thinks it’s only a matter of time before I leave him.

replying to B8988

Cocaine does make you horny apparently but ive also read that they release the urge of addiciton with porn/gambling etc, its so odd. I dont think it would make you more likely to cheat, but I know it doesnt make you think right and that it makes you selfish as hell as you know. Him saying other women are attractive etc is deceitful in itself to be honest as he is planting the seed.

I feel for you, so much. I have read your other posts, its horrendous. xx

replying to B8988

Thank you. It’s just off drugs he would never be the sort to cheat at all, all his friends say the same.

He still claims that drugs just make you chat rubbish so no logical thought goes into it. Then he says (after I pressed him for a more satisfying answer) subconsciously it may be because he feels like a scum bag and I always threaten divorce and he’s on self destruct, but he says it might be because he doesn’t feel great about himself so more of an ego thing but still wouldn’t actually cheat. I’ve tokd him it’s still totally unacceptable but trouble is you’re not dealing with someone rational are you, so no guarantee it will stop.,

replying to B8988

I know so true, drugs makes them SO selfish - like no matter what I say to my BF when hes taken drugs or drank, he doesnt care, and that feeling is awful isnt it.

I think hes making excuses in regards to that, cocaine doesnt make you say things like that.

Is he getting any help or anything for it? what is he doing to try and stop?

replying to B8988

The girl said it wasn’t said in a disrespectful way more like a compliment or in a passing statement he said “oh you’re an attractive girl!” so to me that’s odd. If you were horny you’d surely say more than that? So in a way it makes it more odd! Maybe he’s putting feelers out incase I actually 100% end it to see if he could still pull?

replying to B8988

I’ve sent him away to live with his mum 3 hours away, he’s attending daily n.a meetings.

Our marriage has turned toxic from drugs, there was never any issues before that. Now I’ve got the worry that he could cheat now too. Although he gets annoyed and says no matter how wasted you were you wouldn’t cheat. You still know your married. I said well what would you be hoping to get out of telling someone that they were attractive and he said they might say I am too bevause I feel low in myself. He always says it’s my fault for threatening him with divorce and I told him he wasn’t attractive in my eyes, going back a while ago but this was said in temper! I feel like he’s only started doing this as of late so maybe he will try and leave me and go off with someone who doesn’t keep on about his drug use?

Would this again be part of the addiction if this was the case? I mean if he believed that the drugs were working for him.

replying to B8988

I see, did the girl contact you to tell you? if i am honest, I think hes putting feelers out there like you say. Its completely unacceptable. I cant stand it when they make out its us, it so selfish it makes you just want to give up doesn't it.

Oh bless you, what an awful feeling that must be - if he went off with someone who accepted that then I think that would be time to let go, he would learn in the long run as his life would be ruined entirely, he'd lose everything..

If he cheats, he would know what he was doing, he would know it was wrong... it doesnt make you out of control in that sense. Yes it makes you horny on it, ive heard but tbh you cant get a hard on usually on it so I wouldnt worry.

I am going to a support group on a monday evening you should see locally what they offer and see if this helps you understand etc.

xxx

replying to B8988

When he’s off it he tells me the truth, he says at the time you think selfishly and in his head it’s all about him. I think he sees me like a nag! When he’s using. Maybe other girls are a nice distraction from having to look at his behaviour.

He’s told me when straight that he loves me to bits and would be devastated if we finished. But on drugs you don’t care! He said it would (as you say) only sink in after he came off drugs what the hell has he done!

Plus I do believe that if he did cheat when he’s not using he would tell me if I asked him as believe it or not he is a lovely person. I never have in 17 years had reason to mistrust him, apart from now. I check his phone etc without me knowing and the only person he ever searches for is me. So god knows!

replying to B8988

I messaged her to ask her if he had said anything to her, when I found him he was slumped against the bar in a state. He was really pissed as well as having had 2g. It was only him and her in there. So I thought it was odd.

She said the attractive thing was blown out of context, it was just said in passing not in a pervy way but said he made her feel uncomfortable as he was just staring at her weird off his face. As only them two in the bar! But she didn’t look uncomfortable when I walked in she was all laughing and joking. But she did say she hates men they are all the same. So god knows, it all drives me mad!

2 replies

replying to B8988

I thought it was only me that had been with a partner for that long (19 years) and then discovered he’d been doing coke for 5 years. I am getting divorced, because he wants to and because I am worried for my children. Financially I need to separate from mine as he now has £50,000 of debt. The funny thing is, I thought he was having an affair. I couldn’t see his photos on Facebook and other strange things. I guess he wad, with Mistress Charlie! You have to laugh don’t you, i’ve Wasted so many tears on my husband. It breaks my heart but I think I have to just walk away now. I have dated other guys lately and was shocked at how kind and generous they were! It was like a different life! But they are never going to be him, the one that I married not the gibbering coke addict.

He now says we should learn to trust each other again and be friends by seeing more of each other. I think this would be a bad idea although my heart so wants to be with him. It’s probably just another way of controlling and manipulating me as he has already told me he can’t bare the thought of anyone else sleeping with me. I wish I could just fully let go and move on.

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