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Codeine and marriage.

I am the wife of a codeine addict. I never in a million years thought that this would be part of my life. I’m struggling to deal with my 3 children, my work life and running a somewhat functioning household. We’ve been happily married for 5 years, when I discovered my husbands secret I didn’t know what to think about it. He is currently 3 weeks into his withdrawal, he’s making me so proud everyday. He’s opened up to his GP and has been prescribed antidepressants which are helping for the most part, he still has his down days and they kill me inside but I’ve got to stay strong for him and our kids. If anyone reads this who has been through this or something similar I wonder if you can answer a few questions; when will the affectionate side come back? I’m missing the intamacy that I took for granted before.

Is there anything I should be doing to be more supportive?

I know we are 100% strong enough to get through this, life has never thrown anything like this at me before and I’m slightly overwhelmed by it all.

Many thanks D x

1 reply

replying to dkf28

Hi D

I’ve not been in your situation but I am currently in your husbands situation. By now your husbands physical symptoms have likely disappeared and now it’s all in his head, it’s not that he doesn’t wanna be affectionate because he does it’s purely the brain trying to figure out how to work properly without codeine and it takes time but it ALWAYS gets better your husbands brain is slowly reworking it’s way back to the way it was before the drug. It’s difficult to explain what it’s like going from been “normal” to “depressed” in the space of a few days or weeks. It’s good that’s he’s got medication now I am myself thinking of seeing my dr also to lift my energy and mood and get me back to my wife ! I have read that when you start anti depressants that you can get worse the first few days before you get better. Also talk to your husband about it, me and my wife have talked about my addiction religiously which has helped her understand and help me feel a little better about what she’s also going thru. I apologise on behalf of your husband, us men are total idiots but he shall return. Get back to me if you wanna talk I visit this forum regularly.

J

replying to Dadict

Thank you so much for the reply. Your wife must be very strong and love you very much to support you through this. I know what your going through is immensely hard, and well done to you for overcoming this horrible drug. My husband is a very closed person. He thinks he needs to be strong so will never show any negative or sad emotions. I’d love for him to open up, even if only a little. I’ve tried doing research but there is very little about codeine addiction or where to get help. It’s like the problem is there but people are refusing to see it. First GP my husband went to was useless and ignorant, this made him feel worse than before he went. I persuaded him to try again with a different GP and he was amazing made my husband feel a million times better and positive. Hope you have the same experience with the Dr as my husband did the 2nd time!

replying to dkf28

I think that’s half the problem, your husband needs to open up to you, it doesn’t make him weak or less of a man. In my house I am the man of the house, I’m daddy who fixes toys, I’m the husbands who puts shelves up, takes the bins out, the strong one, the one in charge. That changed 7 days ago, my wife does all of the above for the moment and she does it because we’ve spoke religiously so she understands what I’m going thru, I haven’t cried as much in 32 years as I have this past week wether it be out of the way or in my wife’s presence the tears just come and it’s good because letting the emotions out makes me feel that little bit better afterwards so my advice is force your husband to talk about it, show him this thread, explain how proud and supportive you are but you would like to understand what’s going on.

Reasearch...... Google P.A.W.S (Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome) this is likely the stage your husband is at I think it will explain a lot to you, also when withdrawing from an opiate a mans body is completely drained of testosterone the male hormone that makes him the man you know, his sex drive etc so this may be the reason he isn’t been so affectionate lately ? I’m not sure as I’m in a similar boat I love and cherish my wife so much but there has been no affection since day 1 it will just come back in time. Your husband is doing great by the way, 3 weeks is some achievement a vast majority of people would have relapsed by now and certainly wouldn’t have approached a dr

How much was he taking and what exactly was he takin if you don’t mind me asking ?

Keep your spirit up things can only get better.

J

1 reply

replying to dkf28

Forgot to say D. Google a guy called Ryan Donnelly. Hes an ex addict been clean many years he does videos on withdrawal and explains a lot of stuff, he has unfortunately passed away (not drug related) but I find myself watching his vids and it explains a lot and helps me massively. Check him out

J

replying to Dadict

I will do my research in the morning and will definitely show him this forum. I think he’d rather talk to a stranger about this. From what I can gather he was taking pretty much anything he could get his hands on. Cocodamol and Nurofen plus over the counter and he’s had some prescription codeine from friends in the past, roughly a 40/50 a day. He’s been using since we put our house up for sale. 2016. However he did admit he’s been on and off them numerous times. Our house sale fell through this week and he was so down, I thought he might of relapsed but he’s been strong! Do you want to buy a house? We are desperate haha.

When I was unsure of what was going on and what opiate withdrawal entailed I gave him a telling off about him not doing anything and he told me it was just the motivation he needed to get things done. I felt awful after but he said his mood was better after he got up and made himself do something. Him just loading the washing machine brightens my day!

I’ve made a list of the tips your telling me and will show him in the morning. Fingers crossed he seeks some more help and advice to aid his recovery.

replying to dkf28

He sounds very similar to me, I currently have no energy to do stuff and my wife says the same that even if I load the wash or make the bed that will be enough for now, definitely point him in this direction. How do you find the anti depressants work on him do they get him motivated again ?

replying to dkf28

Excercise a nutrition is key also he needs to eat well and just eat anything he can basically plenty of water only and go for walks, when I get back home from a walk I feel more motivated to do things, then I flip down shattered ha

Keep me posted I’m happy to try support you thru this because in return it supports me too :)

replying to dkf28

Hi Dfk,

Dadict has filled you in with some great points so nothing much extra for me to add, one seriously important thing which i have found hugely important is taking supplements. get him on good quality multi vitamans Centrum is one the best also floradix is good for energy, get him extra magnesium tablets also. and holland and barrett do a CBD oil which is proven to do wonders with withdrawal. if hes struggling with appetite protein shakes can help get good nourishment into your body. If you introduce him to mine and dadicts story and get him to chat to us on there we can help. Where just 2 blokes going discussing a similar issue and are both winning our battle. theres certainly room for a 3rd to jump in with us and support each other. discussing this really does help. oh and also try and get him out at least for an hour a day for a walk no matter how bad the weather is right now. its the biggest and best cure for this by an absolute margin! look forward to hearing from him.

Neil x

replying to dkf28

Hey D you still around ? How you and your husband doing ?

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