So it’s nearly 4am and for the second night I’m in bed and my boyfriend is downstairs awake. I know he’s done cocaine. He thinks I can’t tell but who would still be up now. It’s obvious he just can’t sleep because of it. He was up all night last night and slept all day. I feel like I’m single. I can’t seem to break myself out of his cycle. I have never taken drugs but I can completely understand his situation but the broken promises and the debt I’m now in because of this. I am now depressed. I had counselling as I thought it would help me to help him but I can’t afford that anymore. He tells me he will get help and writes these lists to say he’s helping himself but nothing happens and it just gets worse again.
Hey, I’m in a similar situation to yourself. Constant cycle but mine is 3 weeks cycle. The remorse kicks in days later and promises about that’s it kick the habit but then 3 weeks later it starts again.
I’ve tried a few things even making appointments but they weren’t kept.
I really feel for you. Is he lying about when he’s doing it and hiding it? Either way I think it’s a convo when he’s not high to say this is make or break. That’s the convo I’ll be having shortly. Good luck
Hi kindred. Im like your bf and its quite sad being downstairs on your own doing it. I thought it was just me like this. But the more i learn and see. There are alot like him and me. Its a disease at the end of the day and i hate the stuff.
Ive lapsed twice this year.. once after 2 month the next after 6 week. Im absolutly gutted. But im back sorting myself out now.
Your bf needs to delete all coke dealers out of his phone. All friends that take the stuff. Stay away from alcohol as this triggers it. Ive done so much to stop and it works. Its just these little triggers that set the lapse off. Does he want to quit?
Hi Gil, good luck with the make or break chat. I know boundaries are the answer. I’ve already had a few of those but it’s my fault as I don’t follow through. I know I’m enabling it. He makes some positive steps and then it’s back to shit again. It’s really affecting me financially and emotionally. I feel stuck. I hope you are able to find a resolution. I think if you are able to set a boundary and follow through with it even if it means you are no longer together then that’s the best. I just get sucked in every time for the new way he says he’s going to sort it out and it always ends the same.
No matter what you say or do if he wants to continue he will, drug addiction is so hard to understand - i was in your situation and until he wants to stop then there is nothing you can do. its heartbreaking, coke tears families apart, you end up insane and mentally ill yourself - if he really wanted to stop youd see active steps towards trying to get better - he needs to go to the doctors and beg for help. My bf did and hes been clean since Jan.
I'm so sorry to read how your boyfriend's drug habit is making you feel depressed. I know it's really hard to deal with and it's such a shame about your counselling having to end.
If you would like to talk to us at The Icarus Trust please get in touch. We are a charity set up in order to offer support to people like you who are coping with the impact of a partner's addiction. You could be put in touch with one of our experienced and trained people and talking with them might help you.
You can contact us on firstname.lastname@example.org or visit the website www.icarustrust.org
All the best to you.
Thank you, I think I have registered on the site. I will check
Thank you for the reply. He says he does but I think at just for my benefit he says that.
Thank you for the reply. I wrote you a big long reply but it won’t post it for some reason. Mainly I wanted to say keep up with the good work you are doing for yourself.
Thank you very much. And i hope your bf sorts himself out.. If there is one thing i could do.. to promote the dangers of coke and how to stop. My advice would be. Dont ever try it. And avoid it at all cost. Its a horrible and addictive drug. That plays tricks on you. Good luck