: Drugs, alcohol and mental health

Discuss the twin challenges of mental health and substance use

3 replies

Heavy binge drinker

Hi, I’m new here and I’m sharing some thoughts that I’ve never expressed to anybody before. I would be so grateful for some insight.

My other half is the sweetest person I know and doesn’t drink often. However when she does drink, she really goes to town and gets ‘blackout’ drunk where she doesn’t remember the things she’s said or done. One of the things that I’ve experienced is that she tends to say very hurtful things about how she feels I’m not worth it when she gets to that stage of drunkenness. When I confront her when she’s sober, she says that she honestly doesn’t know why she would say those things to me, because they are genuinely not her real thoughts.

I know my friends say silly things whilst drunk, and I can look past it, but it does hurt coming from my partner and I am afraid when she gets too drunk that she’ll say hurtful things again. My questions are as follows:

1) has anybody experienced this kind of situation before and what came out of it?

2) it’s obviously very difficult to say, but are those really her thoughts? I’ve done some research and I’ve learned that alcohol inhibits emotions and that the surroundings will often their mood

3) is there a solution to this? How can I help her control her drinking?

Thanks very much in advance.

replying to Djsoon

She is expressing self hatred. If you want her to stop you may have to leave her

replying to Djsoon

Hi, perhaps try to talk to her and warn her about the dangers of binge drinking and how it can affect the body. Also let her know how much her behaviour when in this state hurts you. Try to work together and discuss why she has to binge drink. Don't give up on her yet.

replying to Djsoon

Hi, new too and also looking for advice. In a very similar situation.

In my opinion the stuff said whilst drunk or on drugs isn't necessarily true, but they come from a place that wants to hurt you and that is where the issue is. I dont believe that what my partner says to me when hes in these state is true but that doesn't mean the words have no effect. I'm in tremendous emotional pain today. My world seems to be upside down. I dont want to be the type of person that needs someone to change but if this relationship is going to work he needs to lay off the cocaine and not get blackout drunk.

We have had an incredible relationship for 2 and a half years. I never thought I'd be lucky enough to find that person. But I cant deal with the pain of what gets said.

My advice would be to leave her alone for a couple of days. Let her realise that what she says causes a lot of pain to you and if the relationship is going to work something needs to change. Also you may want to ask her if there is anything stressful and personal going on in her life that my cause her to act this. The human mind is complex and people often try to take out their stress in unhealthy ways and on the people they love the most in the world.

Life would be easier if the world was in black and white, but we are surrounded by all the colours in the spectrum.

Sorry, hope that helps.

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