: Bereavement

Get support following a drug or alcohol related death

1 reply

Lost husband to alcohol

Hi all

So glad I found this forum and hope my ramblings today will make sense to someone out there. I recently lost my husband to alcohol, and although he had other medical issues it was ultimately his drinking that killed him.

Since his passing I have gone through many emotions, anger being the predominant one. Angry at him for giving in to it, angry at me for failing him, angry at medical professionals for failing him. Trust me, if I had a milkman I would probably find something to pin on him too.

I dealt with his drinking for many years and have tried everything I could to get him to stop and/or seek help. He was getting help to be honest but in the end he thought he could handle it and paid the price. Right now I am very confused and wonder if he ever really cared for me and his family, yes he lied to me for years - part of the illness right? I trained myself to not take his lies, drinking, behaviour, personally but can't help but feel used and mistreated.

Aside from myself and our children, none of his family were aware he had an issue and were stunned to find out after his death. I thought I was doing the right thing in keeping his secret but now I am questioning every decision I ever made

Sorry for the ramblings, I just need to get these thoughts out and would be interested to know how others cope in a similar situation.

1 reply

replying to MaryPoppins23

So sorry to hear your awful situation

You need to know that you are not responsible or to blame in any way for his actions. It’s his decision to drink and sounds like he had help which is highly likely he understood the risks and he choose to handle it himself. You cannot take the action yourself. That was down to him. Not the milkman or anyone else

I have a husband who is alive but drunk much of the time. I have asked myself so many times if he can possibly love me He promises me change but within a day he’s decided to drink again. He lies about how he got the drink how much he’s and will swear on anything and everything until the evidence is before him. I can see the shame on his face and I know deep down he is struggling. I feel he does love me. The pull of the alcohol is stronger. I know if he had a health scare he would stop initially but I strongly believe is wouldn’t be long before he started again.

He’s not physically addicted but it’s got him mentally and emotionally

I’m certain you did all you could. An alcoholic has to help themselves and only when they truly want to

Be helped will help actually work. Please read some posts on here and try and contact Icarus trust and you’ll see many sad stories which back you upx

replying to Mrschats

Thank you for your response, it does help sharing with people who have lived through/are living through a similar situation.

I know I am not responsible for my husbands drinking and do believe I did everything in my power to help him. What saddens me the most is that aside from the drinking he was truly a lovely man. This is what I am trying to remember in order to get through the next few months. I have been having counselling but not sure it is helping me since all the focus is on the negative and I really don't need reminding of what I have lived through, mainly alone.

I will contact the Icarus trust, any support I can get at this time is valuable.

Good luck to you in your journey, feel free to reach out if you need to xx

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