Talk about your experiences with others.

Posts by B8988

joined

121 posts in 29 threads

My husband and cocaine by

I don’t agree, it is an illness, a horrible one. I’ve seen the devastation it causes to the addict. No one in their right mind would lose everything and still continue using. Their jobs, families their homes etc. Now the problem is not to make excuses for it being an illness! You can’t defend someone’s behaviour by saying he or she is ill, they still have choices to change and put effort into getting clean. My husband never used on nights out, he’d use secretly in the house on his own whilst we were asleep so definitely not as part of a session or party etc. My husband uses it to escape! Until he finds out why he needs to do that he’ll never change. That’s for him to sort though and not me.

25 of 89 posts

Husband relapsed by

Read my reply to that lost girls post hun. I’m actually feeling ok. He turned his phone off for 4 days said wasn’t on drugs, didn’t think he wanted to be with me. As soon as I backed off I’ve had the lot today whilst I’ve been at work, suicide threats, threats to disclose my secrets, him being nice, him being vile! Basically he’s acting so crazy and irrational I’m quite enjoying being able to see it for what it is. Madness!!! I don’t want anymore of it, I’m done! They say when you’re done, you’re done and I feel totally different. Today is the turning point. I am no longer seeing anything good about him. That is helping a lot! Hope you’re well x

3 of 6 posts

Cocaine took the love of my life by

Just have faith that you won’t care very soon. Read my posts. Such a long story. My husband ( long history with hidden coke addiction) same as your husband and nearly everyone’s husband, act pretty much same way. They mess your head up, get you thinking it’s you. It’s not, you need to drum it into yourself it’s not. Like they need to get clean, we also need to. First read up about co dependency, go to al anon or another 12 step support programme. You will start to become more level headed, you will start to see all the madness for what it is. You won’t be able to do this until you get well. We are sick like them, they’ve made us sick! Cut all contact. I mean all contact. Don’t let him see his son until he can prove he’s clean, tell him to go through the courts. ( they won’t) addicts haven’t got motivation to do anything but score more drugs. This is the tough one. Accept your marriage is over, Stop seeing the man he was and start writing lists of all the things he’s become, all the awful things he’s done to you. You need to see him as someone new, someone evil! I don’t find it easy thinking of them as sick ( which they are, but it keeps us locked in) because we still have empathy despite everything. My husband left me and our kids last Thursday, claimed he didn’t think he wanted it anymore, basically has binged since then and now I’ve cut all contact, let’s just say he’s not being very nice. Suicide threats, threats to disclose secrets about me, threats to turn up at my house. I can’t live like it anymore but I’m starting to feel stronger and after crying and really trying to let it go and see it for what it is now, I actually feel a little empowered. Keep strong. Someone told me if you really love the person deep down, let him go because I’m keeping him sick for longer and that hit home hard! Until he chooses another path you can’t do anything. But you can look after yourself and I promise eventually you’ll feel better but you have to try to change too. You can’t expect them to quit drugs if we can’t quit them, if that makes sense? Xx

Helpless by

That’s ok, it took me ages to work out how to aim the comment at specific people. I usually read all replies anyway. I know what you mean, I have 5 children, my baby melts my heart but at the same time it’s bittersweet as I’m so sad at what she’s been born into. My husband was clean and an amazing father when all my previous children were born. He randomly turned to cocaine in his 30s and for some reason become hooked fast! He’s has a 7 month period of abstinence where he went back to being the perfect dad, especially to our baby. She adored him and he dotted on her, that’s why it makes me feel sick to the stomach how he can switch back to being so cold and heartless! I really think I’ve wasted too many years now feeling so awful and ultimately ending up with the same result so this time I’m planning on keeping him away. It’s so hard, well not at the minute because he’s the one not answering me! but when he tries to reach out, I need to remember the heartache he keeps putting me through. Xx

by Huddle

2 of 6 posts

Just when you think things cannot get any worse ....... by

Read my post, think it’s the first one. My husband and cocaine. It’s awful! There is nothing you can do. Their brain has now been altered, my story very similar to yours, but worse in ways. Go to al anon, this is the first step! Seek help for yourself. By building yourself back up will help you to see how crazy your life has become and unmanageable. It will restore you to sanity which will then empower you to deal with it better. This then usually improves the situation with the addict. But your main concern needs to be to focus on you. X

Girlfriend with multiple addiction problems by

Basically whist she’s in active addict you need to stop trying to understand any of her behaviour as it’s all bonkers. In the past I’ve poured my heart out to my husband and he’s took one little bit of say 10 paragraphs and twisted what he wanted and ignored the rest. On Valentine’s Day last year I poured my heart out in pages of handwritten notes, pointing out how bad his behaviour is and how much it was killing me and his kids along with a wooden box with photos of us all throughout the years, hoping to trigger some kind of emotion out in him. He didn’t even respond. When he was feeling better and off drugs for a short while, he admitted that he didn’t feel anything and on reflection he thought it was sad! They will only see our help as nagging. No criticism of any kind will be constructive. I know it’s hard but until they stop and some considerable time has past, you’re fighting a losing battle.

Being with an addict that's in recovery by

Hi there, I think they recommend a year sober before thinking about getting into a new relationship. I think it’s down to a lot of things but primarily a new relationship can sabotage his recovery. His no1 focus needs to be on staying well, yours needs to be on you. Six months is great, but if you’re realistic it’s no time to jump straight back into a full on relationship. Why don’t you remain friends? see how it goes, be there for him as a friend but at a distance, I can definitely understand your hesitance at not wanting to get hurt again. I am married to an addict in recovery (8 months) clean and I still tread on eggshells in certain situations. If he really likes you and you really like him, then time will tell if it’s meant to be. Don’t focus on his recovery, or his drug addiction, that’s his issues. I know with my husband I became so focused on drugs, that they took over my life and I’ve never even touched them. Enjoy stuff together, normal stuff. Go out for coffee, the cinema, haha you get my drift anyway. I’m guessing that whilst in addiction he probably didn’t get that much enjoyment out of normal things so make up for lost time. Good luck.

1 of 2 posts

My son and cocaine by

Thanks for sharing that, I always find it really interesting listening to the addicts mindset, because from the outside it all seems mad and so irrational. My husband tried many times to get clean, moved away various times, but each time he found ways of obtaining drugs, or switching one drug for another. He stopped coke but continued taking codeine etc. So where I’d always blamed the coke, his mood was just as awful on codeine. I don’t think it’s one particular drug that’s to blame, although coke it notorious for the extreme mood changes, it’s once the path has been crossed over into addiction that the problems start. That’s when the lying, the manipulation etc. Comes into play. I like you, don’t understand it, eventually he just stopped. I worked on me and left him to do as he wanted. It was then, he chose another path for himself. So I’m thinking, it doesn’t matter where you are, how much your family threaten, or love you, nothing will stop you, until you reach that decision for yourself. I do agree, that when you’re in deep addiction, you need to get away, even temporarily, just so you’re out of that cycle, to then begin to contemplate another way of life. When my husband was deep in and using lots, nothing could have convinced him otherwise, once the money began to run out and I stopped caring, it seemed to loosen the grip.

by 68862

2 of 85 posts