Talk about your experiences with others.

Posts by B8988

joined

76 posts in 17 threads

What’s next? by

Hi there. I think you know what you need to do, Hence you being on here. That’s good! At least you’ve recognised that you have a problem, that’s the first step in doing something to try to change it. You said “in the pub after a bad day at work.” Maybe you need to find healthier ways of tackling when you’re feeling crap. Cocaine is a quick fix that in the long run makes you end up feeling worse. I’d talk to your gf about stopping. Tbh if she won’t get onboard with you i’d seriously think about maybe ending it. Your health should be your number one priority and if she is using, the chances of you being able to just stop are slim due to the mental pull of the drug. Good luck!!

so I left ???? by

Hi Hun, sorry I’ve read some of your previous posts. I too am married to a cocaine addict who’s currently in recovery but I feel for you. I know how awful they can be. I think you’ve done the right thing. No one deserves to be treated the way you have, I know it’s terribly hard but do your best to look after yourself. I’ve recently joined al-anon as there isn’t many drug support groups for families in my area but they are all the same, working the 12 steps. It’s nice to meet others who are going through the same as you. I’m sure your journey with your partner won’t just end here, unfortunately with addicts we have to ride the storm of their ups and downs. Whilst he was vile last weekend I’m sure he will soon have periods of being normal/nice, this is when you may be tempted to go back. You just don’t want it to keep being repeated over and over again. This is the situation I have found myself in. Keep strong (you’ve got this!)

Addicted and admitting by

Yes bluebell, that’s the problem with us, we will always be sceptical but for good reason. We have heard all the “it will be different this time!” A million times before. Proofs in the pudding as they say! Your husbands mood seems all over the place at the minute, I’d deffo say that points to him still being in active addiction. My husband used to cry if I threatened to leave him one day, then be vile to me the next! That’s when he was deep in it, I guess the more you use, the more irrational your behaviour.

Relapse by

Hi there, first off the fact that he did 2 and a half years sober is amazing! I’ve just gone through relapse with my husband for cocaine, although he was only sober for 6 months. He did it off his own back and didn’t attend meetings, which at the time he said he could easily dismiss the cravings, until he was faced with it and couldn’t refuse. He didn’t tell me he’d relapsed, I guessed! He denied it which made me furious! like you I questioned (if he’s had a period without) why wouldn’t he have thought about us etc and said no? The truth is, addicts are addicts for life, there is no cure, just management. I could have handled my husbands lapse better though. I threatened divorce the day he used again, i then brought up a lot of stuff he’d done to me in the past and he said it made him feel like scum! Instead I should have encouraged him to get back on the wagon and praised the time he spent clean. He then went back on it hard and this resulted in me asking him to move away to sort himself out, he’s only been away two weeks and started using pills (ecstasy) and then coke again. So I ended the relationship properly, since then he’s been almost suicidal and cries everyday saying he can’t lose me. Now I’m back to square one. It’s a never ending battle unfortunately. I’d suggest if I was you, to encourage him and praise him so he doesn’t feel worse, but tell him you expect him to get straight back into being clean. Suggest he attends meetings regularly to help him stay clean, if he wants a relationship with you. You need to call the shots, otherwise they just look for excuses to carry on using. My husbands are; he uses if he’s happy (like a celebration) if he’s sad, if he’s bored, if he feels guilty, etc. Basically he self medicates.

by DNAnon

1 of 3 posts

4 week clean today from cocaine by

Ahh bluebell that is sad. Maybe when it’s all final you’ll begin to feel better. I would suggest he is still using, as when my husband had 6 months clean his personality almost went back to normal, so if your husbands hasn’t it would suggest he is. Basically I’ve started to look at it like this, why would I want to be in a relationship where I’m not number 1 priority? It’s a not normal relationship being married to a drug addict, I was thinking before, most people leave normal people for things like lying, being abusive, cheating, being manipulative, being lazy, moody etc. We have to put up with nearly all of those things when you’re with an addict, but are supposed to accept it because it’s an illness. It’s bloody exhausting and debilitating.

Struggling by

Try not to worry danman83- the 12 step program teaches you not to worry about the future and just take each day as it comes, each clean day is progress. Admit you are powerless over your addiction. Maybe try a group meeting like Narcotics anonymous for extra support on staying clean. Quitting is the easy bit, it’s staying stopped. Oh and have a relapse provention plan, my hubby would say “ I’m not gonna use again, or I don’t want to think about using” Then when it happened he’d hit it hard again and we’re back to square one.

by

5 of 58 posts

What do I tell my kids? by

I’m going through this with my husband, I’ve finally split with him, as he’s just not getting better. He’s had more chances than anyone I know and regardless of where he goes or how much trouble he’s got into because of coke, he downplays everything and carries on regardless. So much more I could say, but I’d be here all day lol. I was forced to tell my children the truth, last year when I threw him out as he was using in our house, they’d gone from having a fab, consistent dad in their life to him not being here and acting recklessly. I told them the truth that he was unwell as he takes drugs and mum can’t allow dad to do that. My kids were 16,12,10 and 7 at the time and I was pregnant. My 7 year old son took it hard, he loved his dad to bits. But unfortunately they get used to being let down and although his behaviour affects me still greatly the kids are almost immune to it. They think he’s an idiot most of the time. The only good thing to come out of this is hopefully it’s put my kids off ever touching drugs as they’ve seen the devastation they cause. I suggest if you want to try to begin to rebuild your life so that it stops hurting your kids you seek help ASAP, keep turning up to groups, don’t use excuses to not go. That’s what my husband did and that’s why I’ve left him. I don’t mind that he has a drug problem I mind that he doesn’t seem committed to want to ever do anything about it. I wish you luck.

by Hox

1 of 4 posts