Hi SAE,
I’m sorry to read your post and hear what a horrible time you’ve been having for the past 4 years. It is sad that you feel alone so please contact us at The Icarus Trust if you think it would help.
We are a charity that provides support for friends and families of people with addictions as we know how hard it is to cope. Our trained and experienced people would understand what you are going through and you could talk with one of them if you get in touch which hopefully might help you not to feel so alone.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
Wishing you all the best..