I don’t know bluebell, I think the same as you. I question if it is all the drugs when he acts awfully or like you say is that a personality trait that’s there anyway and the drugs just emphasise it?
My husband tried to meet other women when I threw him out in Feb he messaged loads of random women on fb and even met up with one of them for coffee. Nothing happened mainly on her behalf as he was off his face when he met her and she knew. That knocked me for six as my husband is the most loyal man and has never been one for women really. That stemmed from me threatening to be single etc and we hadn’t been getting on for months. When he came down off the drugs he said at the time he didn’t think he wanted to be with me anymore as I was abusive (because I didn’t want drugs in my house with my kids) I threw him out. He spent the week hating me. I believe if that women liked him he could have easily gone off with her and turned his back on me and his kids. He has admitted now that he could of but it would have only been all fuelled with drugs and it wouldn’t have lasted because when he comes down he knows he loves me and the kids so much, he just can’t stop the drugs though, so he knew with me he can’t have his drugs too and at the time drugs were number 1.
He did the same at Christmas, I think he’s started putting feelers out to move on because he knows the drugs are taking over again. I don’t think he’d cheat, but because I throw him out so much and threaten divorce every time he uses he knows the marriage is doomed! I can honestly say that if he ever reuses again I think he could leave me! He will end up trying to get with someone who doesn’t realise he’s an actual addict and probably thinks it’s recreational, which terrifies me. As I love him to death. But I think we should remind ourselves that it’s not them, it’s what the drug has done, I know my real husband loves me to pieces, he would never do these awful things he keeps doing. But that doesn’t mean I can put up with his use anyway.
Even if he does move on, the new gf will be in the same position I’ve been in with him and unless she’s a user herself she won’t put up with it. No money, being accused of having affairs, being lazy and generally moody and distant etc.
I think what terrifies us more is in case they move on with someone new and quit drugs and the new women get our old men back, the ones who were amazing! But in reality if they aren’t willing to change for their wives and the mothers of their kids they ain’t gonna change for some other random woman are they?