Hello Lola,
Thank you for posting. I am so sorry about the situation you find yourself in with your partner and am sorry that you don’t have anyone around you that can give you support.
I work for The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that offers support to people in the same situation as you, dealing with a partner’s addiction. We have people who are trained and very experienced, who would understand what you are going through. If you contact us, I can put you in touch with one of them who you could talk to. It may help you to feel that there is help and support for yourself and help you to know what to do next.
You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrst.org
Wishing you all the best.