I think the itching is something that can affect some but not all. I picked up on a lot of this purely because in the beginning all I wanted to do was protect him and make sure he was ok. That started to take over my life until I realised that he wasn’t bothered what happened to him and I was driving myself mad trying to look out for him for the both of us. Thinking back it was stupid really. I’ve been in crazy situations…I actually hate thinking about it.
He’s spawned stuff, like wedding ring, laptop, gold chain, watch, tablet and got out payday loans. Usually pawns stuff over and over. His belongings are in the cash converters more than with him. I used to pay to get them back out mainly coz I bought them but now I don’t. It’s pointless. I also don’t buy him anything either anymore. He “lost” a pair of £200 trainers and his car. I know. Don’t ask.
And he does the same as your ex, drives round high as a kite and sleep deprived. Annoyingly he never seems to get caught off the police. He’s been on this last bender since last weds and has not been stopped once. I just don’t get it.
Sits in his van, for hours, doing his stupid stuff. Doesn’t eat or sleep or wash. Then I get random texts saying he thinks someone is trying to get in his van. It’s ridiculous. This last episode has been worse. He is hallucinating and is incoherent. He is talking literal gibberish. He has slept today thank god.
I honestly do not ever think he will kick the habit. It’s more the crack than heroin. But they go hand in hand. I absolutely love the bones of him and he does me but it’s heart breaking to watch this crazy behaviour and then there’s the kids. My eldest is 19 and isn’t daft. She knows. I can’t carry on this single life with a destructive person on board. My next step is a watch and wait with the rehab. That will show me if he’s committed to getting clean. If not I’m going to have to leave. I used to think I couldn’t leave because he would end up dead somewhere. And that if I didn’t look out for him the same, he would overdose. Now I realise the alternative is I risk waking up next to a dead body. Honestly once you start detaching you see things more rationally. I think you reach that point naturally if you get that far that is. Most people end up very ill trying to cope with an addict. It’s exhausting. Any way I’m always on here, so ever you need me let me know. Hugs xx