Hi Njd123, thanks for reaching out, reading this forum has provided me a lot of comfort in the past few weeks, so you’ve made the right step. Obviously the easiest thing that all our friends and family say is to just ‘walk away’ and that we deserve better, but we know the other side of them, the side of them that wouldn’t do anything to hurt us, so I know it’s not just that simple. Tbh if my partner hadn’t have left me, I would have stayed in the situation for years, because I love him so much and want to help him.
The way I’m trying to cope with it is trying to treat it like two different personalities.
Has your partner ever got help? Sometimes it’ll take them years to, and they HAVE to want to do it themselves and be ready to want to change their life, it’s a miserable time. I think eventually you’ll have a lightbulb moment where you decide that this relationship is providing you more misery than happiness, and at that point I hope you have the strength to walk away, I know its harder with kids involved though. Just know you’re not alone and maybe just talk to your partner, ask him what he wants in the future and where he sees himself in 5 years time, so he knows you’re wanting to help him without being defensive. With me, my boyfriend took that choice to walk away from me and even though I’m in a lot of pain right now, deep down I know it’s for the best really, as clearly I’m always going to be competing with drugs and alcohol and I think in the end that will always win