Thank you, I have been talking to people at DrugFAM which I think is helping me put things into perspective. At the weekend he had coke and rolled up paper in his pocket which I noticed, he handed it over to me for me to dispose of, and in that moment it felt like a turning point. However the next day I found some as in his van as I got in, we had our son with us and I ask him before we got in the van if he had any in there he promised he didn’t. He claims he ‘forgot’ it was there! I disposed of that too. I’m worried that he is putting the kids at risk, in the sense of them finding it, or seeing him doing it and I really don’t want social service getting involved. I just don’t understand how he can be so selfish!
On Tuesday I was a total wreck, i was so anxious I was struggling to breathe, when he got in from work I told him how I’d been feeling and he said he would go and just come back later to stay on the sofa. I couldn’t do that so told him he had to go and find somewhere else to stay. I was hoping he would come back and try getting clean. But by the looks of it he has been out with his mate having fun. It’s all just so unfair! I hate living in limbo not knowing where I am heading.
The kids have asked where he is and I have just had to tell them that I didn’t know as i have no idea where he is staying, I can’t lie to them. I am thinking of explaining what’s going on to my nearly 17y son. But really not sure if I should or not.