Thank you Jenny X
I dont get involved now. I stopped last year when everything spiralled. But he still gets rescued by family members & his partner. He has support, his partner is scarily naive but supportive non the less. He is involved with the GP, the local addiction service plus some older / wiser men.
Thats an interesting way of looking at things. I have seen his rock bottom several times though & then used everything I had to support him. It has not worked in my case.
I have not bailed him out now for a long time financially. He has not stayed here for a few months now as I no longer allow that either. He is good at working / earning money so does not come to me for that.
Its awful isnt it, the pain. Constant anxiety & then taking a HUGE breath as I realised Ive been shallow breathing for days through fear.
Im on medication for anxiety & depression, but when the s*** hits the fan I dont feel a thing from it. It just keeps me above water during the good times. He knows it makes me ill but I miss him so much that I cannot stay away. I saw him yesterday & he looked amazing, really handsome & healthy. We even had a dance around his kitchen for 5 minutes. But I know its temporary or a cover up.
Its hard to have something to look forward to at the moment right? I have sometime small later – the beach & the sunset with the two teenagers here. That will do for now 🙂
Thank you XXXX