Oh Ive just read your post, my heart hurts for every parent on here, there is nobody that can relate more.
Its great that we can still feel compassion for others when the pain consumes us so much already, that is a positive. I dont ever think I dont want to hear about it, I always want to hear others stories.
Oh I look at him & he is so gorgeous. Handsome, built well, blond & when he looks well he blows me & others away. I get it said to me all the time – Gosh your boy is so good looking. Yep I know, its a shame about the demons that destroy him & his looks frequently though!
I can still feel him in my arms as a toddler. I see this man taller than me & I went through so much at a young age to keep him, the emotions that invokes stops me in my tracks.
When he is using I spend every day thinking he is going to die. I know I shouldnt but that doesnt stop my mind going there.
We live because we live. Even when we cant breathe through fear, we live.