I literally could’ve written this original thread myself…!
My bf of nearly 2 years has a cocaine addiction, which I was totally oblivious to for months. He’s borrowed over £1000 in the last 6 months. He works, makes decent money but always seems to spend it! He contributed very little to the household. Not knowing much about his past, I went to see his ex wife and she told me that he’d done a stint in rehab a few years back but he relapsed. He then slept with an alcoholic behind her back.
Just this week I found he’d been on a swingers site for the last 5 months and slept with god knows who behind my back. I’m devastated. He’s now living at his mums and although I still love him and want to support him from afar. I’m not sure there’s any hope there. Similarly to you, I have 2 children from my 1st marriage and he has 2 from his 1st marriage. I realise that he has to want to change and I mean genuinely. But only last night I found he was still on the swingers site!!! ????….I don’t know if it’s the drugs or of they’re just an excuse…who knows?
My personal plan is to get some distance between us, let him live at his mums, be supportive from afar and see if he genuinely wants to make some positive changes.
And if he does, then I’ll support him, and maybe give myself a time limit for him to do this. Whilst I’m prepared to support and stand by him, I’m not waiting forever or putting my life on hold. I still need to put myself and my children first. And I think that’s what you should do. It’s very hard when you love someone, I know. You think of what your future could be like if they weren’t an addict. But the cruel reality is that he IS an addict and you can’t rescue them, they have to do it for themselves and mean it and only then may you have a hope of reuniting.
Thoughts are with you. Good luck.