I’m sorry you’re feeling crap, you are probably so tired from all of this, and I think as Mum’s we always have a sense of feeling there is more we could do even when we are on our knees. You have to protect your youngest so in a way that decision is almost made for you and I don’t think you should feel at all guilty.
I think the relationship with their biological dads is key to a lot of this. My ex told my son that he and his new partner have lots of bbq’s and he’d like to invite him but doesn’t want his friends asking him how many copies of the Big Issue he’s sold (as in ‘you look a mess’), which is something that he has not forgiven him for – was just a stupid thing to say.
There is a great book called ‘In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts’ that talks a lot about family relationships in drug addiction. I read it a few years ago when all of this started for us. I couldn’t make up my mind if it’s slightly over simplifying the causes of addiction but there is other really useful stuff in there as well – its worth reading.
I hope that your son still has somewhere to sleep and you can at least not have to deal with him being their at night. I was worried about where mine was last night, but it was also good to have a night off. I can’t bring myself to look at his room at the moment.