Hi Tinker and welcome to the forum,
I’m so sorry to read your story and I wanted you to know that you are not alone and there is lots of help and advice on this forum.
If you read the other threads, there are people who are going through similar emotions with their loved one’s addictions.
There is also good advice from people in recovery who can tell you what the usual cycle is from an addicts point.
The forum also has help available on their homepage and the Icarus trust. Unfortunately I don’t have all the answers, but I wanted you to know that people care and want to help you.
My son has addictions to alcohol and cocaine and I know from personal experience what it can do to a family.
Look after yourself first and foremost and your children and accept all the help and support you can. Don’t be alone in this nightmare, things will get better, but it definitely begins and ends with the choices that your partner makes.
I hope you both get the help and support you seek.
Always here to chat.
Take care
Lx