Hey Jaynhissay,
Thank you for your kind words and for bravely sharing your story.
I completely understand the kind advice and I know deep down I should do exactly that, but I am racked with guilt every time I think to leave and keep thinking what if something happens to him when I’m not there, perhaps because sadly a close relative of mine died died last year of a drug overdose.
He goes on these binges once or twice a month, but to me it feels like an eternity, he’s going out enjoying himself and blowing money whilst I can’t eat, sleep or think.. It’s very selfish behavior, but I also know it’s because he has deep rooted issues that he is not dealing with and I’m not sure either of us knows how to help him. He is speaking to someone, or so he says, but clearly it’s not helping.
I don’t know what else to suggest to him aside from a separation, at least until he finds his way again. Our toxic relationship does no favours for him and regardless of what he says, I always feel like it’s my fault he does this.
Perhaps I will have the courage to take that step and have that conversation with him after reading these posts and kind words.
Thank you again and I hope you are doing well now x