Oh Coco, will you be attending with him? wow, I totally get how you must be feeling and I absolutely agree, my mum and I barely speak about things now. same for my mates, except for the reeeeally close ones. It’s so hard having to not share what’s really going on and it’s understandable that people get angry, they’re just being protective of us. I see me not sharing the details of what goes on by way of protecting the ones I care about now, from worry. It does make me feel numb and mean sometimes. I’m sure, like me, you have enough of an understanding of what you’re doing and why you’re doing it to choose and decide that what you’re doing is right. Sometimes I question my ability to make decisions, but ultimately I know deep down I’ll go if I know it’s a lost cause. I don’t look ahead anymore for that reason.
And thanks btw, apart from having a cold, which my bf gave me and I unknowingly then passed onto my mum (which I am so unbelievably angry at myself and him for), we are doing ok still. He actually said today he’s gonna get back on track after this weekend. There’s so many questions I had for him, what he means and how, but I just said nothing. Kept the conversation moving.
I really want to say two things to you, firstly, it’s sounds like you’re under so much pressure and thinking ahead like this, worst case just adds to it. I’ve done this myself, I get it! Addiction is sooo unpredictable I think, it just doesn’t do.
Also, secondly… Honestly, from what you’ve said, you’re a clever woman, I’m sure if you’ve done all you can and you know you have, I’m sure you wouldn’t hesitate to do what you’ve got to do and just walk away.
The other angle to it is that I know that when I think I’m being supportive of my bf, he just feels under more pressure and that makes things much worse, he uses more, pushes me away again and we’re back to square one. It’s still really hard, and sometimes I can’t do it, but now I just try to stay out of it, wait for him to come to me, I ask if he wants to talk about things now instead of going in and trying to be all super supportive and complimenting of his positivity, which I did a lot more of in the past.
Your guy has committed to getting help, I know that’s only a small win, but it’s a win. I hope you can stay positive, will be thinking of you on Friday. Hoping for the best Xx