Coco1212, Friday finally. I’ve been thinking of you. Good to hear he wants you to take him, although it’s a shame you can’t join him, that does make sense I suppose and perhaps he can be completely candid in the appointment with the specialist, and not in any way try to suppress or down-play anything so as not to disappoint you.
I honestly do think it sounds as though he does care about you and the kids, taking this first step is huge for him I’m sure. What Jaynhissay had shared about wanting to spend money doing things with the people who were/are supportive, perhaps it’s a similar mindset for your x. After all he’s already nearly totally lost you which means losing the kids, perhaps that’s his motivation for changing his lifestyle choices – I think it’s very likely and I really hope that’s the case. For everyone’s sake.
I personally wouldn’t worry about the silence and distance thing. My bf has told me all too often in the past that he physically and mentally has to sometimes totally ignore the subject of crack. Talking or thinking about it puts it in his mind and even though it’s talked about/thought about in a kind of constructive way, he’s still got it in his mind. Honestly, we don’t talk about it much anymore, not at all, and if we do, it’s him who’s chosen to say something. Most of the time also, it’s a one liner. Like for us last month my bf said if he can’t keep away from the crack for 30 days he’s a prick. That didn’t quite go to plan for him, but that’s all I need to hear sometimes, I know him so well to gage how he’s feeling and I have to force myself to not doubt him now, but I just have to trust that he’s been open enough to share that with me without any probing from me, so he still trusts me. And I think that’s important, it’s so easy to lose my bfs trust. I’ve done that in the past, pushed him so much to know what he’s doing to us that he recoils and shuts me out completely. Sometimes I just can’t help it, for me that’s always the last straw. I’m like come on, seriously, get real this is where we’re at and it’s because of your habit, that’s how I get. Always, we can never walk away from each other. We’ve gone full cycle of that in a shorter time this time around and that’s been the case while I’ve been sharing with you on here. I reached out to this platform at our very worst point, now again, it feels like were back on the complete opposite, we’re back to trusting stage. Also, he hasn’t mentioned anything, but he hasn’t done any for 3 days, just a bit of green. It’s his birthday this weekend and usually (this is gonna sound messed up, but go with me on this) his son gives him some, and today I asked his son if I could have some for him because of his birthday (not because I’m treating him, but because we’ve decided to have a weekend away and I was thinking as a standby thing) and he totally talked me out of it, which I didn’t expect him to do. And if you’re wondering how has his son got involved, it’s because my bf uses him as a middle man as it were, a layer of protection between him and the dealers. If he gets it through him it’s like he knows he can’t ask for more. I used to see it as his son being a facilitator or enabler, and he is in a way, but I think his son knows, just as I do, that when my bf wants it, he’ll get it. Better to support him in trying more sensible methods of consumption I think.
Anyway, he’s really close to his son, they speak and almost see each other every day. I also get on very well with him, but in the 3rd sense. I get on well with his mum too, we’ve known each other a while now, we actually often speak about my x and his behaviour we both know she’s happy with her partner, they broke up a long long time ago and she knows he and I are well suited in many ways, so it’s all good.
The point is though, the fact that his son talked me out of it again just gives me another insight. I don’t need to ask, but my feeling is they’ve talked about it and his son, this week, has been giving him green instead.
I don’t know what’s next for either of us Coco1212, but I think our partners (or in your case x) are in positive places. It’s hard, but I’m giving my bf the benefit of the doubt. Again! And I don’t have to, and I’m not always happy about that, but I’ve chosen to support him, so I just need to go with it I feel.
Will be thinking of you today, I do hope it goes as well as it possibly can and I think what you’re doing is amazing. Xxx