I’ve read this whole thread and can relate totally.
I’m only 28 and got with my partner just shy of a year ago. Ago 4 months in someone told me he is an on off crack addict. When I confronted him he hung his head in shame and admitted to me he used to use when his dad and cousin both sadly passed away very close together. I believed he no longer used as he said. We isolated together in March but he was still working. There would then be occasions he was popping out (this started before lockdown) and would give me excuse after excuse why he was taking so long. Eventually I would get fed up and tell him to stay at his own house. This one occasion he did the same in the end I went to his house after about 6 hours I had a key and he had the chain on and wouldn’t let me in or tell me what was going on. I thought he was cheating on me I was distraught. The next day he admitted to me he was smoking. After a few times of this happening he sought out professional help. He does weekly online meetings but I feel things are getting worse. He has a job and maintains bills so he functions but very recently he started an argument with me and went home. Normally I wouldn’t accuse him for fear of offending him. This time I just knew in my gut (his brother knows everything) I contacted his brother and between us both bombarding him he eventually came home to me. If I’m honest I feel so manipulated and unhappy. I’ve never suffered with my own mental health infact I do support work with mental health!! But lately I’m so down im riddled with the anxiety of if he’s going to come home etc. He is not the person he used to be and I feel so stuck in a rut its unreal. He stays at my house 247 his house is literally like a crack den now it makes me feel sick!! I’m not sure what I’m even asking here but I just found comfort reading this thread knowing im not the only one in this position! Its not even been a year and I’ve had to practically drag him out of his house over it.. what’s next?? Dens? Me searching for him all hours of the night. I love him so deeply but don’t think this will ever go away. Its draining me and making me mentally unstable!! I wish I could just walk away and never look back!