Hi. I hope I can reach out and help you in some way.
If I type random things *, it’s because they’ve come into my head and I think they might help you.
My partner (now ex partner as I seek to claw away from him), is STILL using crack. I’ve had lie upon lie upon lie. He went to a rehab unit, came back after 2 weeks because they wouldn’t let him have his own room.. and is using again. I have broken away (lost count of the times I’ve done this). He’s now had TWO strokes. Has that stopped him? No. Over the course of 2 years, I tried to ‘save him’ and lost my physical health, mental health. I suffered anxiety and depression. Today I protect myself. I come first. I’ve heard enough lies and cried enough to make a river.
*If you’re expecting a happy ending, realise there might not be one. He’ll get clean and you will be happy and he will never use again – it’s highly unlikely. If your trust is gone, it’s pretty much over.
May I comment on what you’ve typed.. and what it says to me? I hope you don’t take offence as whatever I say comes from my heart to yours, in the hope it will help you.
“Normally I wouldn’t accuse him for fear of offending him.” – but he can lie to you and use deceit and subtefuge, and that doesn’t offend you. I would say confront him, but all you will get is lies. So save your breath.
“He does weekly online meetings but I feel things are getting worse.” LIsten to your own instincts. Always. Always listen to your gut feeling, it is rarely ever wrong.
You are not the only one in this position. Sadly. I called a drug advice line months into my relationship, having first found out about my partner’s crack use. You know what the man told me? ‘RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION’. I could have saved myself 2 years abuse, heartache and deceit. I didn’t listen.
I searched streets looking for him, chased him down, bombarded his phone, staked out his flat, I confronted a dealer.. I lost my mind, all sense for my own safety, and my health. DON’T DO THIS. Walk away. Get him out of your flat NOW. You need to set boundaries. Right now.
I told my partner I did not want him turning up at my flat. Now I’ve told him not to contact me. Even though he is waiting to go to a second rehab place, I have cut off. For my own protection. Because he will not stop using. There is no miracle cure, and no happy ending in sight, so I am going to re-establish my self-worth, and my peace of mind. I am ok now, I eat and sleep well, I don’t have anxiety, I don’t cry constantly, I am healing.
You CAN walk away and never look back, but you don’t sound ready to do that. And no amount of advice will make you do it. So… just start protecting yourself. Steel yourself for the toughest fight of your life. Because trust me, trying to love and support an addict is the hardest and most futile thing you will ever do in your life. So you best be ready for it. Unless you start to withdraw.
I’ve been exactly where you are. You need to step back, take a deep breath and establish where you go next. My god though, you’re a young (probably beautiful loving caring) young lady. Do you want to waste your life on an addict who puts that junk before you?