Hi
When I first meet my husband he was in the army and very into fitness. We were also very young (17 and 19).
Never in a million years did I see my life being with an addict or feeling so anxious and unhappy all the time.
You are right, it is a cycle and it has taken me a long time to see that and to realise my husband will say anything to get his cocaine but also keep his family together.
I also never used to believe that he did the same things eg lying and manipulating like other addicts do. I wanted to believe he would never lie to my face and would always choose us.
This is not the case. He would promise me the world if he thought it would get him what he wants.
He did start going to groups couple of times and even did counselling but soon stop when the urge to use kicked in or the counsellor start to ask him difficult questions.
Sometimes when he hasn’t used or is on a come down I honestly believe he wants to stop but then he does it again and the lying starts. I think he actually hates that I see through every single lie and know exactly when he is feeling like he needs to do it and what he is going to say.
I can feel him sitting there working out what he is going to say and how he is going to justify it to me and himself.
His Dad is an alcoholic and he always promised he would never put me or the kids through anything like that, but in some ways what he does is worst.
He never drinks while he is taking cocaine and actually stopped going out and fell out with his drinking mates because he chose to do cocaine and none of them do it and told him he was a dick for doing it.
I can only tell you about my experience and how it affects me and my kids in a daily basis.
My advice to you is to walk away and don’t look back. I wish I had done that the first time he told me he was doing it.
Everyone asks me why do I stay, the only answer is that I have nowhere stable to go with 2 kids and no resources to start again.
My brother lives at my parents house and even though they would make room for us, it would just be leaving to go to a different kind of nightmare.
I want my kids to stay in their home and have their own space.
The man I fell in love with and married is gone and I am never
going to get him back.
I hope that what I write can some how help you because reading other people’s post have given me strength and made me realise I am not alone in this
Sending hugs and love
Take care xx