Wow you sound like an amazing, patient, caring man who deserves to be treated better, if only love was so easy to choose the ones that put us first as we do them. My husband is an alcoholic so a little different but he’s an addict and ruining my life. He was sober until two weeks ago and has just ruined my Christmas, I have three daughters and he has one, all spending Christmas with us. I had to call an ambulance for him yesterday evening (not the first time) due to serious withdrawals that drinking more alcohol could not help. I have held everything together for the four children who to be fair have just cracked on and enjoyed themselves, dancing and playing music, opening presents etc. I have kept up my face of happiness the entire time whilst inside feeling like I want to crawl into a hole. I am exhausted having to contain my emotions and having to pull off Christmas prep over the last two weeks all by myself whilst dealing with a man child I am also caring for. He is still in hospital now on Christmas night and I miss and love him so much. My mother came over yesterday evening and tore me a new asshole for loving and marrying him, I was so desperately trying to hold normalcy together and I’m angry that she couldn’t respect that there was nothing I could just ‘do’ on Xmas when I have four kids here. He isn’t violent or angry or abusive, he’s just bloody useless and full of self pity when he drinks. The lies are the massive thing for me, the trying to convince you that it’s in your head and you’re paranoid to the point you have to question yourself only to find out your gut instinct was in fact spot on. So far this year he’s had four drinking spells that have involved the hospital and they now want to contact social services to check everything is ok at home. So far this year I have lost a baby, moved house, found out my eldest was being groomed to self harm, and my daughters father was diagnosed with kidney cancer, all of these somehow gave him a green light to screw me over by drinking. He has ruined my last two birthdays and this Christmas. When he’s not drinking he’s brilliant, works long hard hours, we have a brilliant relationship and yes we cling to the memories of these times, the horrendous times dim after a couple weeks and somehow we forget, until the next time. Your girlfriend encourages her daughter to take the same path as herself and you are absolutely doing the right thing by letting it be known it’s not right, it sounds as if you have literally exhausted every avenue to help her to lead a better life for the sake of her children. What I am learning is that I can move the money out of the account and lock the alcohol where he can’t get it but when things go back to normal at some point, usually when I need him the most he screw us over again. I definitely don’t have the answers and not sure where I go from here to be honest, the everything is wonderful face has to stay in place for the kids and the rest of the holiday. I truly hope you find your happiness.
