Hi,
you are so correct with all your advice,
it just doesn’t counter act against our hearts sadly,
I know and I’m sure most partners do that we are staying with someone who wont treat us right and fairly as we treat them, yet it is so hard to break away.
in your 3 years with the partner though you felt this too, and I guess you were pushed beyond taking it anymore at 3 years, but we all have different amounts we will take and time limits, I’m sure I’ve read some stories on here from people that have spent a lifetime with their addicted partners.(and still wont leave)
For me I don’t know what will come next,
This time away from her and chatting on here has certainly made me open my eyes a lot whereas I think normally when you are constantly in the middle of it all you never really get the headspace to think how I have been able to these past few weeks.
My first step isn’t leaving her yet, but I certainly intend to take a step back, I will spend a lot more time at home, and all the things I was trying to control to in effect control her addiction I have now given up on.
I no longer want to see bank statements etc or try and catch her out for stuff,
if she is lying and doing stuff then it will only be a matter of time before that will become apparent and I no longer feel like anything I do will actually make a difference to things one way or the other.
I also now feel that if things do go to shit, the kids can bail her out with their money as they haven chosen to side with her addiction rather than me looking out for them so I no longer feel any sense of duty to them.
I also no longer view the house as my future home, I view it as her house and am currently looking into options for myself in terms of getting a place of my own.
So with these measures in place, I don’t know how long a relationship like that will be sustained, but the previous method couldn’t be sustained either.
and from your list, its mostly sleep that all this effects with me, I lay in bed at night and then my mind starts endless conversations going over and over everything, all the things me and her need to say but never do because its too impossible.