Hi All,
hope everyone had a good new year, although considering why we are all here I imagine many people had a bad time with partners like ours huh.
so I wanted to update my story,
New years eve was the first time I had gone back to my partner properly since 12th December, (due to argument and then her isolating with covid, I did see her briefly outside dropping of presents etc)
She had been acting normal on the phone in the meantime and acting pleased I would finally be returning to her. This is her usual behavior at these times to pretend things are normal as this means not facing the issue and pretending there isn’t one.
So needless to say new years eve she was drinking and smoking weed, but I didn’t say anything, and she seemed to be treating it as an end of year blow out and had already independently of me made positive plans to try and start next year good with ideas for good things she could be doing with her time.
So around lunch time new years day whilst I was hanging various pictures up for her around the house I was surprised to hear her say she was going out to buy some weed.
So rather than starting the year good she has immediately gone back on her intentions and is now buying it whereas before she seemed to think smoking her daughters stuff together with her made it somehow more acceptable.
needless to say she got all defensive and was back on the whole “I’ll do what I want and if you don’t like it then don’t stay with me” type attitude.
I went on to tell her at this point how her problems are no longer a secret and all my family knows and also that I am looking into buying my own home as she’s made it quite clear that the future we have been making together she is hell bent on destroying.
any normal person would surely feel upset by this, that they have destroyed all the future of dreams. but of course she doesn’t see any of this, she even says its probably for the best etc, which just rubs salt in the wound that I have basically spent 7 years wasting my time for someone who doesn’t even have any humane emotion.
I also explained how I no longer have any responsibility towards her kids as they clearly don’t see any of the good things I have done for the last 7 years to try and make life better for all 3 of them and she has turned them against me anyway in order to protect herself and her drug use, and I have basically been played as bad cop so she can make herself look good.
I managed to stay with her till today, but watching her and her daughter smoking weed together day and night, even before midday etc was to much to stand and earlier today I lost it again and got upset and tried to appeal to the girlfriend that I know exists somewhere underneath all this hatred.
of course this was a waste of time as when they are possessed like this you just cannot get through at all.
they are no doubt glad I have left as the drugs can win and they can do them without me telling them what they are doing is utterly wrong and immoral.
No doubt without me there they are telling themselves its great to not have me there judging them etc and they can keep telling each other what they are doing is fine.
The cupboards are already looking pretty empty as I’m sure her bank is too but I guess they are too used to living in chaos to care or notice how much better it was when I was trying to help their mum hold these things together and not be constantly running out of everything and buying the bare minimum because most the money needs to be spent on essential drugs.
also I am pretty certain she has been using coke again over this period of us being apart, and I’m sure her daughter would change her tune then but what point is there in me proving that to her. I didn’t even bother to accuse my girlfriend of coke but there is various telltale signs and I wonder if the whole weed thing is almost just a decoy, as it works well to keep the kids on side if they think I’m just getting mad about weed.
I have now taken most of my belongings from her house and left,I don’t know what comes next, I’ve left it with basically saying I cannot be there watching this and that I hope she can sort herself out but I think she needs professional help.
I did say a lot before leaving trying to get it all of my chest but its all pointless though as I’m sure all she’s thinking throughout is how much easier her drug use will be without me there making her feel guilty about it because that really is the bottom line.
She will lose me for drugs but never the other way around.
In the 3 days I was back she was smoking weed with her daughter every day of it.
after weeks apart and being so pleased to have me back you would think any normal person might let you have at least one day of peace but of course not, I swear she was sent to punish me and the fact that the kids hearing me in utter despair yet still think I’m somehow the bad guy just breaks my heart that they are so blind when they should be on my side about wanting to stop their mum having a drug problem.
In that house words are just useless as my words are up against that of a professional liar and manipulator I.E drug addict.
I could write a book on the things I have done for them, and all those good things mean nothing to them because I also hate her drug addiction. It is so messed up that their brains are all this unreal. I’m driving myself insane trying to rationalise the complete irrational.