ha yeh loving an addict turns us partners as textbook as the addict,
for all their typical behavior we as partners all go through a pretty standard set of reactions,
that’s what I found so helpful about this site, the reassurance that how I’m feeling is so normal with anyone in the same boat.
I think I am realistically seeing that a happy ever after isn’t likely, and taking steps to have my own house and I no longer view her house as my future home pretty much confirms the relationship could never return to how it was.
I still don’t know if I’d want to lose her completely,
Obviously what I’d like most is for her to sort herself out which I no longer think she will do with me around, mad as it is, support isn’t what she needs, digging herself a bigger hole is what she needs if she’s ever going to realise the damage of her behavior.
Even if we were millionaires I wouldn’t wish a drug addiction on her though, but I think that is an issue with her and the kids, that they only really see the financial negative of it rather than seeing that someone being a drug addict is deeply troubled and it is bad for them, for their mental health and physical health even if they can afford it (which she can’t so therefore it is bad for the kids as they lose out).
I’m quite sure she is doing some coke again or no doubt will so it will be only a matter of time before the cracks start to surface and maybe her daughter will wake up, as I cannot see me being able to do anything to help whilst her daughter is against me as it just gives my girlfriend someone to make her think she is doing nothing wrong, power in numbers etc.
its so frustrating as when she isn’t in the grip of it she does want a good life etc, but once the drugs take hold she is so helpless to it.
I think the fact that she had her daughter at a young age (16) may play quite a large part in various things, like she didn’t get to finish growing up as she became a parent so young, and therefore in some ways had to grow up fast, but in other ways she never grew up at all and always feels like she has missed out on something, also the age gap being quite small between her and her daughter means she does see her more like a friend rather than someone she is supposed to be responsible for, which is great if you can be like friends but the parent still needs to try and help the kid stay on the right track, yet in her house it was like the kids had equal say in everything and would just do what they wanted which was something of an issue for me moving in as its hardly a great proposition to move into a house where 2 kids are in charge and you can either tidy up after them or live in their mess as well.
also of course I’d want a drug free house not a house where a kid can bring drugs into it and I just have to accept that.