The thing is, even a normal relationship ending would be hard, without all the added trouble of a drug abuser being the reason its going wrong.
spending years with someone you have a lot of memories with them, and hopefully a lot of good things as well as the bad, you have invested into it emotionally,
so moving on is difficult anyway, I think I will really struggle to move on as I have spent 7 years of being really close to her and that has been a major part of my life that I will constantly be reminded of, just so many things, anyone who knows us really did think we are so good for each other, and we would normally think how lucky we are to have found each other as it always felt like there was no one else in the world more meant to be.
and of course i’ll always think what could have been, especially as this is so obvious what the problem is and so such an obvious thing to fix.
but just too hard for the drug user to fix it.
I think it isn’t even so much the drug use itself that annoys me so much as just the attitude that comes with it.
and how defensive she will be when you threaten it.
like if she could actually be honest with me about it all rather than all the lying it might be easier to support her and try and help her get help, but because of all the lies etc you are left feeling like you are the direct enemy of this addiction person that consumes them.
basically if I went back to her on new year and just stopped caring and not letting it bother me, she would have acted like things were fine and I would still be there now, but because I couldn’t handle watching what was happening, she couldn’t handle me, but really I think she knows what she is doing is wrong as its a lot harder for her to keep lying to herself about it when I’m there making it glaringly obvious that what she is doing is wrong.
I was ok for about a week when I left, but the last few days it has really taken a lot of my energy again, I feel like its the first thing I think about when I wake up and that I have had dreams about it all too, its just so consuming.