Hi Harleyxx1,
I hope I can offer you some advice from all my shitty years of experience in this shitty world! Anyway, I’m familiar with your pain and understand what your feeling so let me start by saying your absolutely not a professional drugs councillor or a mental health therapist I’m guessing? So please don’t feel like you have failed and certainly don’t let anyone else make you feel like you have failed him. Cocaine has the grip of a vice and sadly your boyfriend picked his addiction like many other have done. You will never be to blame and self blame for a loved ones actions is perfectly natural but obviously not justified so try something different.
I have read your story and your actions so far are very much organised and well thought out, you sound caring, understanding and loving but you can’t save someone who needs professional help. 1000% it’s only a matter of time before his family and loved ones discover his ongoing addiction I’ve seen it many time before, and all you need to do is stay supportive amicable but distance yourself for your own health. I can absolutely guarantee you that you have done everything in your power and more so please don’t feel guilty! Your never going to please everyone around you and as long as you stay healthy during all this horrible situation you should be able to deal with it better. He’s made poor choices and you can not stop that and he can’t fix it or himself unless he commits and admits to everyone. I doubt he’s ready for that so for now removing yourself from this is the best thing you can do, love is really cruel and sticking by someone even after they have make terrible terrible choices is difficult but doing it with an addiction in the middle is utterly impossible so don’t try it. You sound like a beautiful person who wants nothing more than a beautiful life so you stick to that philosophy and don’t let anyone interfere with it. Drugs sex and alcohol sounds great until you grow up and realise you have responsibilities and at that point your an addict who has no sex life and drink every night. Let’s hope he can get the professional help he needs. Take care and good luck