Oh yes, what you have just said is so bloody true … those precious drug dealer numbers! I have hidden his phone before and made him believe he’d lost it in one of his drug fuelled hazes which with heroin means nodding out and literally being in a trance like state. They look like they are fast asleep ‘nodding out or gouching’ wherever they may be sitting or lying but in fact they are in semi conscious dropping their lit cigarettes on your floor, knocking over their beer and refusing to go to bed and sleep off the filth. That’s why my ex would often do snowballs, a mix of heroin and crack cocaine which enables them to stay awake and enjoy the heroin hit without nodding out. Short of actually doing the drug, there is absolutely nothing I don’t know about about it now and if your partner was doing heroin you would hear it in his voice immediately. A dreadful low pitched, grating monotone rumble and his pupils would be the size of little dots.
Hiding the phone causes temporary panic and inconvenience but they will always be able to score anyway. The difference is that they then need to go to one of their so called drug friends to get the number back and will have to pay for a bag for that said person just to get the contact. It’s amazing because none of them care one little bit about each other and only get in touch when they want drugs that they cannot get hold of for themselves. If he is now a runner, I kid you not, your very safety is in danger. If he gets robbed by someone when he has a load of stuff on him that he is due to sell (this has happened to my ex with heroin) your partner will have to pay for the loss regardless of the circumstances and with cocaine that could run into hundreds of pounds. If he is a runner, please distance yourself from him as quickly as you possibly can for your own safety especially with this pandemic.
He is mixing with people who really do not care about Covid and what he would have been touching with his hands has been through many others and in places unimaginably disgusting! And yes, you are right to stay away from him with regards to sex but stay away full stop!
You are in such a hard position with your son loving him and missing him so much but it will get better with time. If you meet someone else who is a genuinely good person that both you and your son deserve, your son will adapt and appreciate the calm and happiness that no longer exists between you and your ‘partner’ I genuinely do not believe that you are helping a child by putting up with this kind of revolting and unacceptable behaviour just because you don’t want to hurt him. You will hurt him far more in the long run if you don’t keep him safely away from the drug world and all the negativity that it brings. He needs a happy mum who is not permanently stressed and a prisoner in her own home. Your son wants to see the best of you which will never happen if you continue with a man who does not value either of you. I hope this doesn’t sound too harsh because I feel so badly for you – at least my kids were adults and not at home most of the time but when they were, even though he did try to stay clean, they were nothing short of horrified and frightened for me.
Funnily enough, even though I had finally ended it anyway, they gave me an ultimatum – it’s us or him no negotiation but it was a no brainer for me and I haven’t regretted my decision. You can do this and I know you will because you’re a loving mum and your partner is no longer anyone you know at all x