Wow…I can relate to that whole heartedly. I’ve been in that kitchen…6am…crying…calling mom…
I’ve fought with this as well….a disease…the times that he did stop cold turkey…nothing…for months…how could he do that but than go back to everyday. Is it just a choice? Is he just living a life he wants to live?
There has been so many moments that he has been high and yelling about needing a support system but he will never go to meetings or rehab it will only make him want to use more. That it’s me who needs to be stronger…help him. So what do I do? Next time he comes home high and admits it. I hug him tell him I love him whatever he needs I will do…i say all the right things…but within hours if not less the depression starts that you speak of. He starts bad mouthing himself and then me. Attacking me for the most recent thing I’ve done wrong sometimes that being as little as not getting a plate clean. It’s truly scary.
When he gets off work I’m going to bring up the drug test. I’m hoping for the best….we shall see. Thank you so much. It’s been nice to talk to you…truly…