Off work Coco, I’m not surprised. Clearly, this has totally drained you. I really feel for you, and I can totally empathise with you, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel jealous, just trying to add context to my situation, which let’s face it, is still nothing to be desired, my dreams and ambitions are all I have to a point, I have to look ahead, even if the end reality isn’t as glossy. It has every chance though, that’s what I give it.
Honestly, I’ve had to pick myself up again so many times, from an abusive partner, from a failed marriage, from tragic death of family members, I honestly know how hard it is. A course is a great idea, and shows you want to get yourself back on track to better things, but perhaps the wrong time, in my view. There’s nothing wrong with taking some time out. While I was living with my abusive x (not my husband, not my boyfriend now), who’s abuse had driven me to eating disorder, he’d made me feel so abnormally insecure (I am not an insecure person), beating me down, degrading me, making me feel literally worthless, at the same time I was working in my city banking career, which I did for many many years, literally the most stressful and all consuming job ever, and when I finally had the courage to walk away from my abuser, only then for the tragedy of sudden death to strike my family, I’m talking days apart here, literally everything at once, I suffered total burn out. One minute I was crossing the road to walk to the drs for a throat infection, the next I knew I had to take what ended up being 4 months off, else I I’d be in psychiatric care. Rock bottom exists, you found it by the sounds of it, but the good news is, now you can rest. You know what you’re dealing with, you’ve already done it. It may take time, but you’ll find a new normal, I just know it. At some point you’ll be able to start that course, or something else as equally positive, and what you’re feeling now will be a distant memory. Baby steps, as tiny as you like now, baby steps, just slow it all down. You are such a strong woman, you have the support of me and everyone else on here. You have your wonderful children around you, that is such a blessing that I never got to experience, plus even though you’ve had all this to contend with, you’ve had enough strength to help me with my boyfriends addiction.
Time dear Coco, time is your friend, and I know you’ll be fine. Xxx