Hi,
So sorry to hear about your brother, I relate to this a lot as my Dad is an alcoholic and unfortunately he also wont get help. I am pretty sure that most people with an addiction have underlying depression issues and the alcohol is used to supress their feelings of depression.
I didn’t know about how I was ‘enabling’ my dad to drink for years until I started attending a monthly support group. Enabling them is doing anything from giving them money, food, shelter (all the things as loved ones we want to give them as seeing them suffer in unbearable) but as long as they have someone enabling them they unfortunately wont get better. They need to hit their rock bottom and do it for themselves. My dad lives with his elderly mum who herself is in denial about his drinking, I managed to get him removed from the house when I first realised we were all enabling him and it was the best he had been in years, he was engaging with the services and we started to see changes in him which was amazing. Then my nana took him back under his roof and since then we have been right back to square one.
I know it is easier said than done and it is so heart breaking but it sounds like your brother is being enabled to drink as he is living with your mum. Could you both think about him being moved into some other housing. This doesn’t mean you’re both not there to support him and love him but it means he will have to help himself and will maybe start coming to terms with his addiction?
Also for yourselves can you find a support group for you both to attend, this is the best thing I have ever done. Speaking to others in the same situation so you know you are not alone. I have learnt so much from the people in my group and I am in a much better place mentally as it really was starting to take it’s toll on me. It is also clear from the group I attend, the people who’s loved ones are in recovery are those with the families that have shown ‘tough love’ and have hit their ‘rock bottom’
Again i’m so sorry you are going through this, it is so so tough. I really hope you can get some more help with this.
Best wishes,
Natalie