This is something I spend a huge amount of time wondering about and which has caused friction in my family. To be honest, I go back and forth at different times. In my case, the addict in my family abuses coke as well as alcohol. I know with drugs they can completely change brain synapses and hormones, so it is much harder for them to make sound judgements. And surely no rational person would ‘choose’ to live in filth, have no money, be isolated and live in constant fear of dealers. But then sometimes I think maybe he chooses that because it’s easier than dealing with the responsibilities of a ‘normal’ adult life with thousands of decisions and interactions each day. I get frustrated as my parents are definitely in the ‘illness’ camp, and I feel they are absolving him of responsibility, and I also see this in how they’ve treated him generally (he is the youngest child, got away with more etc).
I think it’s normal for you to feel conflicted about this. Sometimes I feel blind rage at what he’s doing to himself and my family and I think he’s irresponsible. Sometimes I feel desperate sadness and it seems obvious it’s an illness. What I struggle with is working in a healthcare setting where there are people who are terminally physically ill – literally nothing can be done for them. Whereas addiction can be treatable, plenty of people go on to recover so why can’t they start making better decisions?
Sorry, quite rambly! It feels like a lot tonight