Alot of his behaviour sounds narcissistic actually.
He is tearing you apart I can see it in what you write.
He’s scared to live without you but also loves the drug hence why he keeps doing it. You need to get strong and be able to focus on yourself for a while.
He will choose the drug because it’s selfish it’s all typical cocaine addiction behaviour the disappearing for days… The lying… I bet who you confront him about it he turns it on you.
It’s all the same. You need to get strong and walk and I know it’s hard but it won’t change especially if he doesn’t want too.
This is from me I’m a cocaine addict who is clean and living a better life but it took mountains for me to get where I am.
What made me stop my wife left and o knew she was serious. I said cocaine will not take anything else from me. So now I stay clean and always will be for me and my children.
Here if you need any advice or have questions.
You are not at fault. Do not enable his behaviour and borrow him money or put up with it because it won’t get any better.
Sorry for being blunt.