Gosh I could have written your last post myself.
My partner has always liked a drink, but never got drunk. He had a breakdown and the anti depressants increase alcohol in his system.
August 2019, he started drinking shorts. Rum and then vodka. A small amount and he gets drunk. I feel guilty for not making him come off them. I knew what they’d do as he was on them years back and alcohol didn’t mix back them.
I just kept saying he should make the right choice. Not sure he was in the right headspace at all to do so.
A year on, he’s agreed to rehab. It’s been a lot of sweet talking and encouragement, but he’s agreed and wants it. Hasn’t stopped him drinking. I know it’s an illness. The addiction sets in….but, I still believe there’s an element of choice. He says he drinks outta habit. Sunday’s for example, he doesn’t always drink cos he knows he has work Monday. Thousands have people have stopped drinking, so there is an element of choice I do think.
Maybe that makes me feel better cos it breaks my heart to think of it as an illness.
Rehab will be months and months off, if he does get a place.
Since last year, he was furloughed five months which spiralled his drinking, and then he’s had times he’s been sent home from work. Now he’s had a gross misconduct.
I feel numb now. Hatred at times. I used to search for bottles and cover, but not now. It’s on him.
I feel like I’m losing out on my life. I wanted kids and it’s not happening. Not fully cos of his drinking, but partly that. I worry like you, that if I left, how he would cope. I don’t think it would stun him into stopping. It would do the opposite and he would drink more and give up.