Hi Drained mum its hard isnt it. Easter Sunday I spent loke a zombie I had 2 hours sleep saturday night as the evening was filled with chaotic antics from my 17 year old. It ended with texts from him at 5.30am telling me his life was a joke and he had been beaten up. Of course i picked him up straight away. I felt so guilty as at 2am i had told him when he comes home he is going to the ymca to live as i cant take anymore. He has stayed in the house since with promises to change….. until this evening just had world war 3 as he said he was going out. I reminded him that i mean it about the ymca and he had a meltdown saying he hates us. To be honest the feeling is mutual right now i do love the boy i gave birth too very much but i hate who he is today 🙁 . I had a call from a domestic abuse charity today and that upset me how has it come to this that i am talking to a charity for domestic abuse about my son for which the referral went to them from the police.
It is hard to try and be the peacekeeper in the house. Everyone is looking forward to covid restrictions ending to go away etc though the thought of that makes me feel worse as i cant imagine taking my son anywhere right now and there is no way i would leave him in the house alone I would return to an empty house i fear. I cant see any future or future happiness with my son right now.
If you havent already please see your gp. I spoke to mine (well sobbed to her) and she prescribed me some anti anxiety tablets. They arent a miracle cure however they most certainly have taken the edge off and I can now think it a bit more rationally.
I know how you feel about withdrawing from people. If it wasnt for my partner i would have succeeded in that myself. My partner forces me out everynow and again and although i dont tell our friends about things anymore it helps to just talk about normal things othet than thinking of all this drama. One of my friends sons was 18 the other week. He was best friends with my son when they were younger. I posted a birthday card through the door and sobbed my heart out after when I walked away. I dont know how they can both be so different to other now. They used to be so close and now they wouldnt even have anything to talk about anymore.
It may be worth asking your doctor if there is someone you can speak too. You are welcome to speak to me.
All we can do is hope one day for better days