Hi Kelly,
Thanks for posting. Please don’t think you are being selfish as this is really tough on you and your kids. If you would like some help please contact us at Icarus Trust. We are a charity that offers support to people going through what you are, dealing with addiction in their family. We have experienced trained people called Family Friends who are really good at listening and would understand what you are going through. Maybe talking to one of them would help you.
You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrst.org
Good luck.