I think you are perhaps reaching the limit point. I had a break down back in March when he was out for a month on and off. But after that, weirdly I felt better as my attention wasn’t on him anymore. It’s a weird thing, sometimes we just unfortunately had to reach some point to realise something. I think you could just ‘let him go’ I mean no need to focus on him and I used to be like you, checking everything but after March I realised ONLY himself can change not us not anyone. Only he finally realised how much damage he made and he couldn’t carry on like this anymore then he can change, otherwise it just doesn’t work. I read so many stories about people who is addict and managed to quit. They are all like hit a bottom and realise they need to change. My husband was the same, March was his bottom( I hope) and he totally changed for 8 weeks. I know he had it again this Friday but 8 weeks clean which was never happened before. My point it needs themselves to realise they need change. All our talkings sometimes is just waste of breath. You have tried your part if he can change it’s happy ending but if not, you just have to think what’s the best for yourself and the kid. It’s hard I totally understand. As we are the same.
My husband had it on Friday night and he came back home at 9 yesterday. He said he didn’t do anything just stay in his car the whole day. He said obviously it was a mistake and waste of time, but he found out this time it was not as enjoyable as every other time I don’t know if it is a good thing. All my trust built this 8 weeks have gone. My parents live abroad and I’m the only child. I have a kid with previous marriage, my ex cheated on me so we divorced. Now with my current husband, I do want a kid with him. But I just worry. I don’t mind hard work despite I don’t really have support here but I just don’t want to have 2 kids in the broken family. I know despite his addiction he would never abandon his kid, but I just don’t want to go through everything again. He said he wants the kid, it will help him about addiction too. It’s hard, really hard.