Hi Kate1- I’m so sorry for your pain. It’s so consuming and it’s not fair to you.
Have you considered a counselor or therapist if it’s possible for you? It helps so much to have someone who hears you and helps you get perspective on the craziness of this life with an addict. We are moms and just do the things that we always did and we don’t even realize that we’re actually enabling them to keep going with their addiction. I know I did and my counselor helped me to see it.
I also did a lot of research online about enabling an addict- I was guilty of many of them and I will tell you it just prolongs the misery. I wasn’t great at the tough love in the beginning either, but I eventually got there because I had to.
Maybe you’re not ready to cut him off completely, but perhaps you could start in small phases. Maybe you could tell him that if he has the money to pay for his partying, then he can pay for his own transportation to work and that you’re not going to pay for it anymore. If he tells you that he’ll lose his job, then that’s on him. He’s taking advantage of you, they all do because they’re addicts and are selfish because of it.
Stay as strong as you can, and take care of yourself as best as you can. You don’t deserve this, it’s not your or your husband’s fault. Hugs ❤