I’m glad you are focusing on yourself it’s so important, I never knew in the beginning how bad it would break me and just how bad my anxiety would get before I cut him off completely and ended the relationship, it’s been nearly a year since it became obvious that even if he wanted to stop coke he can’t he has to have it despite the consequences I wouldn’t say he’s an addict but he’s certainly dependent that’s for sure he’s lost jobs though got into debt. Before this like yourselves we went on holidays he never let me pay for a thing always treated us to a better life and bought me luxuries and truly made me feel loved content and happy like yours though he has he’s demons mentally that’s why they turn to it unfortunately as they numb the pain. It completely changes them to a point they will lie to your face and cause you so much emotional pain and show no remorse it’s hard to disconnect the two the person before and the person now but I have to i get to upset thinking about the past and what the future could of been I just know me and the kids deserve better we don’t need the upset of worrying about if he goes out will he come home if he goes work will he come back. One time he went and got the weekly food shop left it outside my door then text im sorry I’ve fucked up the disappointment anxiety and anger I felt was unreal. I don’t understand it and never will I can only educate myself which is what helps me with dealing with he’s personality now I don’t expect much either best that way oh & I never believe a word he says. I haven’t moved on but I’m trying to I don’t know if I will trust another man again it will take a long time mentally to date again or get with someone but right now that’s the last thing on my mind. Just myself and the children are what matters he had he’s chances and unfortunately blew them. I don’t have friends my mum is a great support but she’s sick of hearing about him now tbh so I come on here read stories help others sometimes vent and it does help hope getting things off your chest helped lightened the load a little. X
