If we all wrote books I’m sure they’d be the same lol,
So much has gone on, so many messed up nights n crazy stuff that people wouldn’t believe!
I had to make a choice in the end, I wanted my family and that stuff doesn’t fit. I would feel so bad if I woke up half way through a day n I knew I was just loosing time n not making good memories, only ones you can’t share or nights you can’t really remember.
We used to be “one in both in!”
We were joined at the hip
But I never realized that it was because I was joining him, as soon as I wanted change he didn’t even try, we were one sided n I didn’t even notice!. I feel so stupid for that!
But I pulled it together, I got sorted and I had to get fertility treatment because I had been having miscarriages so I had a bigger plan,
After 3 I fell pregnant in lockdown and that’s when he really spiraled.
I no having a baby with him sounds stupid but I was so crazily in love with him, my eyes hadn’t been opened yet, I also really needed to because of all my losses, one of our lost babies happened at home and I have it in a tiny baby urn next to my bed, it broke my heart so I cherish our little one now sooo so much.
He’s missed out on loads already n I’m not gonna push him, he had his chance of me trying to help, he is an addict but still says he’s gone clean for days when I’m not stupid, two days max if he’s had a crazy night but he had so many dealers!
I sorta wish he used something else too!, he would do mdma when I met him, a tiny amount n he was sweet n it would make him chill n sleepy, that’s before all this kicked off, he was so different!
He tried swapping back but says it’s not about, apparently with lockdown it’s just disappeared….. I have no clue except what he says.
Yeah I feel like I lost a lot of time with my girls, I’m so lucky in a way that he left because we have all spent lockdown together, built bridges n I am so close with all my girls now. He lost a good family!
Anyway I hope your good! X