Hi Paul,
So sorry to hear what you are going through. If you would like some support for yourself please contact us at Icarus Trust. We are a charity that offers support top people dealing with addiction in their family. If you get in touch one of our family friends, our trained and very experienced people will get in touch with you. Maybe speaking with one of them will help to answer your questions and help you find a way forward.
You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org
Good luck!