Dear Esta,
I can not express enough of my gratitude. I am reading your response and like i would have written it to a third person; but it is so hard to write it to myself. I even allowed him to come closer to me by just talking on the phone as he is still on the work trip and i decided to try to regain trust as i know he will be on the street if i kick him out and he has things to finish.
I decided i am leaving by the end of the month and he will come back by then, but out of nowhere i got a job here and wanted just to run away sooo far away so i am not around; but i need a job. I am still praying for q job in a different state so i can just move far far away. I checked the phone bill again and noticed that sexting contiued although reduced since we have talked normal lately. I know i am looking for excuses and i see it all what you wrote and not sure why i look where he will live when he does not care how i feel.
I thought that this new job appeared as a sign to make it bette; but i am lieing to myself.
Thank you for your response. I know i will be making a big deal about the whole sexting thing and probably drive myself crazy when he returns and i can not trust him. I know i need to save myself no matter how much i love him. He does manipulate a lot and he will lie to their own therapists how he is clean; and i keep on keeping my mouth shut against my own beliefs.
I know i need to save myself and i know i am stronger than how i act now and write. Thank you for sharing with me your views and i loved reading your encouraging message.
Thank you. I hope to move on soon.
Mshurt