Hi Jayfay,
So sad to read your story, am sorry about your mum, and your feelings of loss.
Please contact us at Icarus Trust if you would like to talk to someone about how you are feeling. We are a charity that supports people who are dealing with addiction in their family so maybe talking to one of our trained and experienced Family Friends would help you.
You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org
I hope that you can find some support. all the very best to you.