I understand. The lonely, the sadness, the all of it. We hardly ever look at each other, talk to each other. We sleep in separate rooms. So weird. He is probably used to me coming to him, but I haven’t been and I don’t think that I will. It seems that my feelings don’t matter to him. When did that stop? How did I miss that? I loved him too much, so much so – that I missed the point where I should have turned around and mentioned that I noticed that he just didn’t care anymore. He cheated so much that maybe it got him to where he didn’t care. I don’t know really because I didn’t cheat and didn’t ever disrespect him – ever all this time. Why did I stay so loyal? Where did it get me? Alone and confused. And, maybe he will just cheat some more. He doesn’t validate my feelings, or answer my questions. So, I quit mentioning my feelings and quit asking my questions. Instead, I moved to the spare room because it hurts too much. He doesn’t say goodnight to me, or even try to make anything better. We don’t argue. We just aren’t. We were probably over a long time ago, but I didn’t figure it out then. I didn’t know. I wasn’t expecting that. I wished that I could have had a chance to prepare, to get ready for this. For years we are and then we just aren’t. I come in here and nobody has the answers. I wish I knew what to do. I don’t know him. I don’t know what we have. I wonder if we will always be like this for the rest of our lives. For another 10 – 30 years, however long God decides that we live. Together – but separate. It’s too sad, too lonely. How can I do this? Has anybody here lived like this – for all that time?
